I wish I didn't feel so empty

Lately I've felt really empty. I'm pretty sure I know the reasons why but I can't do anything about it. I need to just wait and time will make it all better I guess. I just want to tell future me to be thankful for happiness and not take it for granted as I trust I won't be this way in some years time. I have so much things to do right now with university and everything but I just feel so empty that I'm not doing them and time is running out. I really need to just push through this and it will all be better soon. I just hate feeling this way and there are days I feel like it will all be better but then again I have days that I just feel like giving up. I'm sure there's so many of you out there who feel just like me and its hard to stay positive but better days are yet to come. =)

'This too shall come to pass'

My life is not great right now. I feel like I'm fine and I say it out loud so I don't need to admit to myself that I feel like I will fall at any second. I don't know if it's just the moment or if this is something I need to get over with time. I have so many decisions I need to make as soon as possible, I have to do a lot of course work for university, I feel like I am letting go of certain people in my life I don't want to but feel like I have to. I want to be strong and resilient and not admit that I've been hurt this time. Perhaps its because I've always tried to be strong so its like the hit that finally knocks you a bit? I feel like I try and say out loud how I'm happy with how everything turned out and this is the way I planned it as I'm afraid to admit this is not what I wanted at all. I don't think I ever knew what I wanted to begin with tho so who knows. I feel like I'm running away from my problems quite literally but I don't know if I should just stand and face them this time. I think I'll choose the first option...

This song came up randomly on my youtube and it hit me somewhere where all those feelings I just wrote above came out. I didn't plan this post or try write it nicely or get lovely photos. Just the song and my feelings in the simplest way possible and a bit sugarcoatedly. Couldn't even be bothered to stick to my I wish titles this time, sorry about that. :) If I had to come up with something I guess it would be something in the lines of 'I wish this little part of my big life would be over already and I would feel like normal happy me again!' I just thought 'This too shall come to pass' would express more what I feel like now and how I try look at the positives... even tho I really don't. You know what I mean, no more lying to myself! :D

I wish I start writing this blog again

I realize I haven't posted in almost a year and that's simply because I have had a shitty last year pretty much and no motivation what so ever for anything. Lots of it was good honestly but lots has been absolutely shit. I would almost say I'm a complete different person now. I've experienced lots of loss in the past year and there are days where I'm upset and there are days that I'm happy. Yesterday I was just tiered of life and everything, today I feel like I will be happy! No two days are the same. I realize this blog has become me wishing things about me to be different a lot rather than things I want to do or try but that could be because I am fascinated by psychology so I keep analyzing myself and over thinking everything and seeing what could be different. I shouldn't keep thinking what I want to change in myself tho. That's a bit silly isn't it. I've thought a lot about this blog lately and thought I'd write a wee post to show I'm still here and will definitely make effort to start writing again!