I Wish I Didn't Get Social Anxiety

I've always had it but only thought about it lately, I suffer from social anxiety. I'm really out going as in I can ask strangers on the street for directions and talk to them like I've known them forever, but when it comes to a university situation, or meeting friends of friends, or being in a large group of people I kinda don't know, I get really quiet and I feel super awkward. I hate that about me. I avoid going to places where I know my friends have their own friends because I know I'm gonna feel awkward and like an outsider since I become really quiet. I'm okay most of the time but sometimes it comes and I just can't get rid of it. It just makes you over think everything and you end up shutting up and feeling awkward.

This summer I'm meant to be meeting friends who come with their own friends, and I've already cancelled going out once and made other plans since I felt awkward, and now I was invited for a weekend at a summer cottage with a bunch of people and I just feel really awkward about it. I replied that I will see if I have other plans just in case I feel really awkward about it and don't wanna go to the summer cottage after all. If I could change stuff about me, I'd change this. I also feel like I don't want to make an effort sometimes in case it gets awkward and rather just sit on my own instead. I think this is mainly because I dread just going to sit next to someone and saying "hi, what was your name again?". Sometimes I'll make friends with perfect strangers just like that, but then there are the times I just want to disappear from the world when faced with a large group of random people. I'm complicated. 

- That photo gives you a brief idea what I'm talking about but my situation definitely isn't that bad! :D

I wish I get a job and don't have to take a loan!

If anyone at any point thought I am in anyway rich or well off or spoiled little brat - you were mistaken. I am a poor student. I want a job that would in some way relate to my future career but it is really hard to find a job in my country (I am going to see my family for the summer). I could take a cleaners job I've done during my holidays (since I was 16) at a hotel but I've injured my back because of it so I don't think it would be too smart of me. So yeah someone please tell me where I'm meant to pull money out of. My friends and family tell me I should just use my student loan but I just don't feel comfortable doing that. I know its completely normal to take the loan and it is meant to support students during their studies, hence the name, but I know I would just constantly think about how much I'm on minus. I'm just not comfortable with the idea. So fingers crossed someone will want to employ me or I'll just have to go back to the hotel for a month at least. I don't want the picture below to me soon. Meh.

Just a little word of thinking with brains here at the bottom. I am really thankful that I am lucky enough to live in a country where I get free tuition fees, I know that a lot of people do not have that luxury. Also tonnes of people are way worse off than me so I should not stress about this. I will end up taking the loan if I don't figure out something this summer but I am stressed about it and this is my little I wish blog so I get to come rage about my life here ;D

P.s Sorry I haven't been posting much lately <3

I wish I have these little details in my wedding someday

I haven't thought about my future wedding that much. Its been more about what I would like my dress to look like or how i would like to have my hair. This post will not be about what I will look like but rather the small details of the wedding. Also obviously there will me be and my husband to be planning this so everything is open to discussion and we all need to make sacrifices sometimes don't we? So yea, these are just ideas. =D

Church Wedding
I do not want a church wedding because the place looks nice or because of traditional reasons. I want a church wedding simply because I want to say my vows and be made one with my future husband in the eyes of God. I know that God sees everything and is everywhere but having a church wedding is a more symbolic way of doing it for me and it is important to me.

This Sign! 
I saw this picture and love it! Why do we have to sit on different sides? Two families are becoming one so why can't we sit wherever we want? Love the idea.

Wedding March
I love Canon in D. Absolutely love it. This video was the best version I found - might have to find these men to preform at my wedding someday!

Songs at Church
Since there's always songs that will be sung at church, I would want to pick them rather than having random ones. A definite one is In Christ Alone, it has such powerful lyrics. I think I would pick one song in English and one song in my language since not all my relatives speak English. 

No Alcohol - except the champagne for speeches and wine for food
I know everyone's idea now a days seems to be 'lets get drunk' at weddings. I do not want that. I don't want people drinking at my wedding and getting drunk. There will obviously be champagne for the speech and all that but that's it. Maybe wine for the food - depending on the food of course.

Brides Speech
Why not? My sisters wedding had a brides speech as well as a grooms speech and I loved the idea. I think it would be really cute! In addition I think I would ask in advance some people if they want to keep a speech. It might get dangerous and awkward to have an open mic! Eek.

Dancing
I'm not sure about this one but I'm definitely more for it that against it! So I'll decide depending on the space at the venue (and husbands opinion)! But it's romantic and cute and gives the couple time to talk and cuddle after all the tension! <3

I Wish I Was Good at Nail Art

Sorry for the serious topics lately, back to fun stuff tho! (at least for a while) ;) Lately everyone seems to be having really pretty nails all the time. It's not one colored stuff anymore, but its different designs and everything. I love nail art, it's so pretty. Unfortunately I'm not much of a nail person to begin  with. I paint my nails and wait for the nail polish to peel off. I wish I actually bothered to take the nail polish off after it starts looking bad but I'm really lazy at that. Otherwise I have really good nails that grow really fast and are always long (only now starting to appreciate that!). Now that I'm working as a Social Worker in Training tho, I have started taking my nail polish off if it starts looking bad. I try look like I've made an effort everyday to respect the people I'm working with, and of course try to show that I really want to be there.  

Recently I've really started admiring the nail designs I see around. I've watched some tutorials and they seem quite easy to make even tho they do look really hard. Most of them are just made my putting a paper to make a straight line or sellotaping the are you don't want nail polish on. I'm going to attach some pictures here of some really nice nail designs I found. I especially love the black matte and shiny black nail polish combination. I quite like black and gold together as well. I don't want my nails to stand out too much and in general don't like bright nail polishes so I'd go for darker colors and designs that don't stand out too much. I'm definitely going to try out some of these in the coming days and hope to get okay good at this. There are really good tutorials for these on youtube that are really easy to make, so if you get interested just find some on youtube and learn! That's what I will do!