I wish I will suceed in saving a bunch of money!

I have never made a new years promise, and this doesn't feel like one really so I'll just say it's a new years decision. I want to save up money. I would LOVE to have little jars where I put coins and every now and then, maybe even a bill. I would label the jars with different notes what say what I would like to spend that money on. If I could get a good bunch of money in a jar, just imagine how awesome it would be when it comes to using it! I wouldn't have to care how much I'm using since I saved it for that purpose. 

Since I live by myself I think its also a good idea since I'm pretty sure at some point during my studies I'll go bankrupt. I think I'll just have to have a few of the jars not see through so I don't actually see the money. Maybe ill put bills into a glass bottle because its quite hard to get them out without breaking the bottle. But yes, next year I am going to save up money! Happy New Years everyone, I'll also try to post more! <3

I wish I'll never have to be separated from a loved one :(

Okay, I'm already separated from my family since I moved to Scotland now but that doesn't bother me much. I guess I'm used to not seeing them sometimes (okay maybe I miss them just a little bit...). But I wish I never never never will have to be separated from my boyfriend. That would be horrible. Just imagine being separated from someone you care about that much for like a year. That would take a lot of commitment, patience and love. 

Sad part is I'm probably gonna have to be separated from mine for at least a year at some point. He will have to do army and unless I go to Finland to wait for him to come visit every now and then, we will have to go long distance for a bit. It will be absolutely horrible. It's gonna be all about skype and mail. I think I would actually sit down and write a letter at that point. I guess its all part of being in a long distance relationship. I'm so not looking forward to it (if it ends up happening). =/

I wish I didn't have to proof to myself that I'm loved so much.

I feel like I push limits in order to find out if I'm accepted and loved. I feel like if I get upset I often harden my heart and push the limit just a bit or say something to see what the other person will do. Not like mean things but just something like not reacting to something that should be reacted to. I feel like maybe I try seek this need to be accepted. I think what would really proof something to me is if I could be really bitchy and do stupid things and just be a not nice person and still I would have someone be with me the entire day and not say one negative thing to me.

Stuff that I hate I also like to see if someone would do them to me. I hate being hung up the phone to. I hate being slammed the door at. I hate being insulted. I hate someone talking negatively about my loved ones. I hate it if someone get too close to something thats very important to me.  I think I often try see if someone close to me would do something to me that they know I hate, or they know I'll get hurt of. And I think I get really offended if someone does something to me that they know will make me unhappy and hurt me. Its the ugly truth I guess... I think I'm a difficult person. 


Whats with that anyway? Why do I have such a huge need to be proven that I'm loved sometimes?

I wish I had the chance to swim while it rains again!

...In a river, or an ocean, or a sea, or a lake, or just anywhere while it rains! I saw a picture of someone swimming in the rain and right at that moment I had a flashback of when I was little and we were swimming when it started to rain. The feeling was AMAZING! I just didn't wanna leave! Anyone who has ever swam in the rain knows exactly what I'm talking about. Especially if the water is kinda warm and the rain is a bit cold. Just amazing. 

If I was in a country where there was warm water and it suddenly started to rain (not just any kinda rain, pouring rain) I would just take my clothes off and just run in! I don't know why I would like it so much but maybe its cuz firstly I haven't swam for ages since the rivers are so cold in Finland and no way I'll swim here in Scotland! Last time I really really enjoyed myself while swimming outdoors was when I still lived in The Gambia. Now if I ever make it to the water, I just wanna get out pretty fast. But yea, and secondly, I just love rain! Most of the time at least, not freezing rain as much :) 

Swimming + Rain = Just the perfect combination <3

I wish people cared more about how others are doing in life

Life is hard. It almost feels like you can't make it in this world alone. Of course there are the moments when life is really easy and you forget how hard life can be but trust me, hard times will come! Anyway thats not my point. You know how we ask people 'How are you?' when we see them. Who wants to hear any answer to it that a basic positive answer such as 'I'm fine' or 'oh, I'm ok and you?'. Since we don't expect to hear anything but a 'I'm fine', that fine could mean a tonne of things. Imagine asking a person you don't know that well, how are they doing and they explained their worries to you. Honestly, how awkward would that be... I guess it would be nice to be there to listen to them but it's just unexpected. 

I thought about this because my cousin asked me 'How are you managing to wake up from your bed in the mornings now a days?' and I thought, that is an amazing way to ask someone indirectly without intruding is everything okay. And since its not just a normal question like how are you, it makes you actually think about it... how am I really? I thought it would be nice to hear someone ask me more often, hey how are you really? So yea, I guess especially with close people I will start asking how they are in a bit different ways than just hey 'how's u?' and show that I care. =)

I wish thoughts didn't have such a huge impact on us

I have started thinking about this more and more and realizing how thoughts can just eat you up from the inside without you realizing a thing. Thoughts are created by what we see, hear, feel etc. Thats why I personally think we should be extremely careful what we expose ourselves to. We all know our own bodies and what affects us, but a lot of things in this world affect us more than we tend to realize. When I was younger I listened to a lot of music and I let it get to me. I only realized years later that I thought about exactly what they said in the songs and they kinda hypnotized me to this state of mind (depending on what the song was about). It had such a huge impact on me and I found myself depressed in my room so often and I didn't know why. The songs made me wanna be sad and made me want to feel more and made me wanna be something else. 

If you don't get what I mean, a typical example that I'm sure you have had would be listening to a happy cheery song. You know that moment when you become really happy just listening to the song and you wanna dance and jump around, well the same effects come from all different genre/types of songs. If a person listens to a lot of depressing songs, they are more likely to end up depressed in my opinion. This is because the thoughts will take over you. I randomly came across a picture of a bible with a scripture (photo below) that pictures exactly what I think perfectly. So I decided to post it. 

Another thing is that when you have a little worry and you think about it a lot, it becomes a big worry. Thoughts take control of a person so easily that I think people should be more careful. Of course we are all different but I think to some extent this goes out to everyone. I decided to make a change and I deleted all my music. I only listen to songs on youtube if i remember a song randomly but I don't spend my days listening all the time and when I get sad I don't dwell on sad music anymore. I have noticed a huge change in the past about half a year. When I hear those songs what had a huge impact on me earlier, I feel this thing inside me that brings back a little bit of that down feeling that it would eventually give me and thats why I know better now. 
                                                                               Just something to think about...

I wish I found it easier to commit to other people

I found this volunteering organization which I got really interested about, but long term just simply commitment scares me. The organization was for a childline where I would basically be on a shift where I answer the phone if any child wants to talk to me about their worries or troubles. But what worries me is that I don't really know if I would be able to know what to say and know what to answer if a difficult topic comes up so its out of my comfort zone even tho I really wanna do it. It sounded really interesting to me but the second I started thinking about it further I just got this feeling like, do I have this kind of commitment in me?

Another organization was called 'befriend a child' where I would basically commit to hang out with a child twice a month, for 2 hours, for a year minimum. The children are mainly from not so good backgrounds and so the goal basically is to make the child smile and have a good time. When I heard about it I just thought right away YES. But now a few days later I'm like, 'For a year? What if the kid doesn't like me? What if its weird and awkward?' and all that. It's really bad to think like that tho because that few hours that I'd spent with the child could make them forget their reality for a bit and they could just have a good time and laugh. It would probably mean the world to them.

My point basically is that I really really would love to have a responsibility like this where I could feel good about what I do and feel like I'm doing something for someone else, but I feel like I don't really have it in me. Personally I think it would do me some good to step out of my comfort zone especially if its for the good of someone else, but how do I make myself do that. I keep telling myself, 'I'll do it!' and then I'm like 'Naaah' the next second. I really need someone to have a good long chat with me and persuade me to get up and go for it! I know I should go for it, but long story short 'easier said than done'. I really wish I get myself to commit to this in the next months! 

I wish I NEVER have to talk anyone out of suicide again.

I have mentioned in this blog about loving helping people out and I even put a photo up that said 'talking someone out of suicide.' Lets just say that that 'sorta wish' came true, unfortunately. It was NOT fun. I felt such responsibility and I felt like if that person took their own life, it was my fault. I would have done anything to get out of that situation. I didn't know to do honestly. I just talked and listened and talked and gave advice and told what not to do etc. I kept thinking, should I be calling an ambulance? Should I call their friends? Should I call the police? It was so... distressing. 

I talked with the person for hours at night online even tho I had to wake up really early for work. Every now and then it felt like the person just wanted attention and was making a too big deal about everything, and then it felt like they were fo real again. The next day was absolutely horrible. I didn't know if the person was alive and I felt so so so so so bad. I was in my own world constantly thinking about it and I was extremely stressed out. Words cannot express how I felt. Seriously, NEVER again. 

I found out after a few days that the person was alright but in the hospital and I was sooooo thankful. Seriously thank God for everything being okay. Of course if I get into a situation like this one again, I will stay and help out and listen and try talk the person out of suicide, I mean how couldn't I? But if I could pick then I preferably wouldn't. 

I wish I more often witnessed people get over the dark sides/challenges of life

When you know someone and you see that their going through a rough patch in life, you're involved automatically. I have a friend who has been going through a tough time for quite a while and I've thought about her so much. At least for me its a bit self-evident that I try be as a support and try lift people up once they fall. Now here comes the point: Oh the joy when you see or hear that someone you've watched be in this dark place for ages is finally coming to the light again. It feels like there was a battle that has now been won! 

In a way its a victory for me as well because in some situations I feel like I am mentally with the person a lot, and I try fight through those battles with the person. It sure is an amazing feeling when you realize they are free or almost there! After that, all you have to do is make sure they stay up and when you fall, then perhaps someone can help you up. We can't really make it in this world alone can we?

I wish that I will grow old with that one person I choose to marry some day.

I'm used to people getting married and living together till they die. That's why the say 'till death do us part' right. In this modern world we live in tho there are lots of break-up's and divorce's being filed. That's because divorce is made an option. In my life I will not make divorce an option (lets hope my husband wont make it an option either). I have seen difficult marriages and I have come to the conclusion that when I get married, I will at least say my vows and mean them:


For better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.


I know that practically everyone say they mean their vows and how they will be together forever, etc. but seriously, no matter how huge the problem is, then why not have a sit down and fix it. One thing that's always important to remember is that no matter how hard it is, NEVER go to sleep without fixing your issues first. That's how I've lived my life so far, at least most of the time, and I plan to keep it that way. I've not being brought up with divorce being an option and I've seen that marriages WILL be hard, but that's how you learn about each other right? And that is the point.

Old couples are rare to see together now a days, especially the ones from which you can tell that they really love each other. Those are the ones that walk hand in hand, look at each other with loving eyes, help out each other and just be together. I just love seeing that and I really really really hope that I will be in that position myself one day. 

I wish I'll have guts to go skinny dipping one day!!

Yes this sounds a bit odd but I'd wanna do that. It would take so much guts but... why not. Especially if other people (close people) are like yea lets do it, I think I'd maybe consider it. So it I was at a beach with basically no one there and I was far from the place I live in, It would be way easier for me to actually do that, I'd just maybe go for it. I'd have to be in a stupid mood tho but still. :) The photo below was just hilarious so I had to put it here.

This sounds really stupid so I hope no family members ever find out about this blog and judge me for it. hahaa! 

I wish that during the next 3 weeks will restore all my energy as I am worn out by life.

I have been STRESSED! I just wrote my last high school finals exam paper today. Finals lasted for 3 weeks and even though I was really easy going with them, I stressed. I haven't slept much, haven't seen people that much, haven't even had time to take a shower some days. That's how stressed I am. Otherwise too I'm mentally just... tiered. I need a holiday. Therefore I booked tickets to Turkey with my cousin for 2 weeks leaving in a few days. It's been a big hassle talking this over with my family but I need a holiday, I wont care what anyone says now, I'm going. 

I just wanna lie on the beach, phone switched off, nothing on my mind; no worries, no stress, nothing to do. Just me with my cousin lying on the beach in peace with no planning ahead. Taking one day at a time. I can't wait! It will be amazing, I just have to watch how much money I plan on using since I am kinda broke now =D

One aim of my holiday is also for me to be able to just be with God as well. I have been going through some stuff with him and I'd like to take care off basically, and yea I've been busy lately so I just wanna take time out and spend time with him too. <3 It will be amazing. I'm positive!! I'll return a new fresh person!!!

I wish I had long hair! (WAIT: I Can Have Long Hair, whenever I want! So can you!!)

I'll get straight to the point, it takes ages for hair to grow and by the time its long enough, its probably in bad condition and doesn't look that amazing. And besides, its hard looking at your hair going thought the growing process and not being able to do anything to it. I have a solution!!! Good news, get hair extensions! I wish someone had told me this a little earlier. When you think of hair extensions you think of these 'things' that you stick in your hair that end up ruining hair and all that. I've heard of sooo many horror stories until my friend got clip-in hair extensions. I tried them on and fell in love. I ordered hair extensions for pretty expensive from luxyhair.com and they were amazing, soft, natural and there was lots of hair in the pack (120g) I didn't use all the hair at once ever. They are very easy to put on and take off for the night. Took me like 5 minutes to put them on eventually. I haven't used them for quite a while and since summer is coming, I think I'll start using them again. 

I found a cheaper alternative though. I thought I'd sell my extensions which are in quite good condition still to a friend and order new ones from luxstyle.dk. They are just 55€ without any shipping as far as I know. People have given very good feed back so far so I think I'll get them. They are a bit of a smaller pack with 80g of hair but I don't need that much hair so whatever. Its a super easy way to get long hair fast and its extremely natural. The hair is real human hair and feels really soft and amazing. It could be considered cheating a bit but whatever, I loved the hair. One tip tho if you get extensions, don't wash them until necessary. They stay clean for a long time and I washed them sooner than necessary meaning I washed the good hair care products on the hair out meaning it tangles up easier =D This can of course be fixed with serum but yea. I was at least a very happy with the long hair and I think anyone would be. They blend it with really short hair and bit of longer hair so that's not a problem. =) 

I Wish I Felt More Comfortable Smiling

I have always thought that I can't smile showing my teeth cuz i think it looks stupid when I do so. I just smile like :) When I went to model school I got forced to smile showing my teeth and it was... not nice, I felt really awkward as the guy took photos of me. Anyways, recently I have started not minding that much. I've even allowed a few people to take a few photos of me smiling like =D and I gotta admit they weren't bad at all. So I hope I get over that completely and start feeling comfortable with my smile.

Someone once told me never to say a smile is ugly or say anything negative about someones smile no matter how weird it may look, cuz a smile is beautiful. And I agree with that guy, at least now I do! A true smile is the most beautiful thing ever. Personally I have always thought that the best photos of me are the ones where I look sad, but I'm glad that I'm starting to like the happy ones too! C'moon just look at the two photos here, which one would you rather see?

I wish I had brown eyes...

We are never satisfied are we? Those who have curly hair want straight hair and those who have straight hair want curly hair, those who have blue eyes want brown eyes and those who have brown eyes want blue eyes, and so on. I have heard statements like these loads of times and I'm sure you have too. And yeah, unfortunately now you will hear it again, I want chocolate brown eyes. They are naturally just prettier. But then again brown eyes are so common since its the dominant gene that passes on brown eyes while the blue eyes gene is recessive. Yes, I know some biology. =D I have blue eyes and have wanted brown eyes for my whole life basically. 

When I think about it though, if I could get brown eyes permanently right now if I wanted to, I don't think I'd do it. In loads of places around the world people look at blue eyes and admire them because they are so rare. So yeah, I should be thankful. Even though I ended up in the conclusion that I would rather keep my blue eyes, I will never stop admiring brown eyes. There is just something about brown eyes. Today I wore dark brown contacts and I liked seeing myself with them even though they were a bit unnatural. It's a nice change but I have to admit I liked seeing my own blue eyes again once I took them off. 

I wish happiness wasn't taken for granted.

I very much dislike seeing people who don't appreciate happiness. I mean if you see it in them that they really don't care. In moments like that I find myself thinking, haven't they ever learnt anything about sadness? Like anything? I'm not too comfortable talking about this but I've gone through times when the feeling of happiness had eventually disappeared completely. Lets just say when you don't feel happiness at all when you laugh, smile, something nice happens, it's gonna be your only wish that you could feel even a tiny little bit happiness again. Trust me I know and its horrible. After a few months I felt a tiny bit of happiness and I was scared to go sleep in case I would wake up in the morning and not be happy anymore.

So my point is that somehow I feel like something should happen to all of us in order for us to appreciate happiness but somehow I just think 'God forbid anyone should go through anything negative if they don't have to'. I know we have all gone through rough times but for it to be so bad that you miss the feeling of happiness and make it your only wish, it's sometimes hard to talk and relate with people who haven't had to go through so much. I don't know, it's complicated. Those of you who have gone through something similar will know what I'm talking about. So yeah, those of you who don't, appreciate happiness and never take it for granted because your happiness can be taken away from you when you least expect it.

I wish I learned to appreciate the people around me more

I have realized that I don't appreciate my loved ones the way I should. Any day, at any moment, I could lose a loved one and I know I would feel terrible because I haven't appreciated them the way I should have. I have lately tried to apply it to my life: 'live everyday like it was your last'... or more like the other persons last. It's helped me become more loving towards others and made me realize them more. But believe me there is still a lot to be done! :D And I think that we shouldn't only appreciate our loved ones, no, but also the people around us we barely notice most of the time. It means a lot already just realizing someone by saying hey. 

We don't really tend to notice problems and realize how important someone is to us until a problem arises after which were all of a sudden so caring. I think it should be self-evident that we value the people around us and are unconditionally loving and caring. As I'm writing this I got a phone call where I once again realized how I haven't really noticed the hard times my loved ones are going through and haven't really been there for them. So yea, I really wish I'd start appreciating the people around me in general way more, weather it's my own family member or a random person on the street. And I will work on that! =)

I wish I never gain weight and will always be able to call myself thin.

Personal topic to talk about but here goes. I'll be honest, my appearance is like the most important thing to me. I think a big part of my life I have wished I was thinner because 'someone' used to tell me continuously to be careful 'you're getting fat', but honestly I would never do anything about it. I like food too much!! =D Either way I just wish I never start gaining weight. I like what I am now and yea... I'd rather loose some than gain some. ='D When I think about it, I think the reason I think this way is because I feel like no one ever comments or compliments me in any other way but 'hey I like what you look like today' or something about my appearance. No one really ever says 'hey you're really good at that' or realizes me in any other way so yea.

I honestly think a woman should have curves and is way more beautiful that way, but as for me, I wanna stay they way I am. 

When I look at photos like these two, I get so determined to run off to the gym or start working out. My dad once asked me what I'd do if I gained 5 more kilos and I was like 'Noooo way'. Then I thought about it and I think I wouldn't be happy at all and I don't know how I would react honestly. I have heard lots of 'Hey, you are not fat' speeches in my life and I don't think I am. I'm actually tall and thin and was one of the only girls who was told not to loose weight in model school. So yea, I just feel that its important to me that I can look in the mirror and be happy with what I see. 

I sometimes wish I didn't have to live in this world anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I have a good life. The best family ever, loving boyfriend, good friends... life is good with me. But sometimes like today, nothing is really wrong but I somehow just feel like all my strength is gone and I wanna leave and go to heaven already ( no i'm not suicidal). I am a christian yes. I thought of this blog post as I listened to a Finnish song that sang about heaven and the song speaks for itself. So yea,  here goes:

I sometimes wonder if there's something more,

something that I cannot understand.

Is there a kingdom of heaven somewhere,

there where people cannot see,

cannot see.

Tell me there's a heaven out there somewhere,

tell me there's no dying over there.

Tell me there's a heaven out there somewhere,

tell me that's where Jesus lives.

In heaven nobody will ask for papers,

and no one asks what club we belong to.

There's no not need to think and ponder,

what relationships should we up hold.

There will not be tears any longer,

There we wont have to rely on lies.

There is just a group of lost people,

Which were brought back home,

brought back home.

Tell me there's heaven out there somewhere,

Tell me there's no dying over there.

Tell me there's heaven out there somewhere,

Tell me that's where Jesus lives.

The text written in bold is what makes my heart feel warm. That's what I believe my destination to be. It sounds so good that I sometimes wish I was there already. I don't know if i'm the only one but I sometimes think I can't wait to be in that place. And I believe that God had assured me that that's my destination. I don't know about you but I'm atleast happy I know where I'm going! <3

I wish I was a dancer in a musicals (Nine: Be Italian)

I love dancing. Everyone who knows the slightest thing about me knows that I love dancing. I also like musicals... well the interesting ones at least. I watched the musical 'Nine' like a year ago and I have been in love with the choreography for 'Be Italian' by Fergie ever since! If you know me, don't judge me after watching the dance below, I just can't help loving it. And yes, I would love to be a dancer in that, not the main dancer but someone else... It would be fun! The stage, the costumes, the sand, the chairs, the amount of dancers, the song, the actual choreography! <3 

I wouldn't mind being in other dance shows in general as well but something like this looks really interesting. Maybe a bit more clothes on but otherwise... this... You get the point! =) 

I wish shopping malls had mini cars or something!

I went to Poland for about 2½ days to go shopping. Lets just say my legs are as good as amputated. Every step I took after the first day was PAIN, lets not even discuss the last days. Why can't they have mini golf carts or something to move around with? The shopping malls there were huge! On our last day we went to the biggest shopping center around and it took us the entire day to go through all the shops on all the floors. To top that we got lost when the shopping center closed at 21.00 and had to walk extra much to find our way out. I'm sure i'm not the only one who thought about this and I've thought about it tons of times since I think i'm a bit of a shopaholic but - Mini cars to huge shopping malls!!!

'Because when I shop, the world gets better'

Even though my feet are dead, lets just say it was so worth it! I did not know it was possible to shop that much! We woke up early and shopped from sunrise to sunset when the shops closed basically. And lets clear this, we are not rich, it is just so damn cheap there! I bought 2pairs of heels, 2summer shoes, like 5 sets of earrings <3, tons of clothes, perfume, nail polish, baby clothes (I'm an aunt now!) and other stuff. ='D To explain how cheap stuff was, I bought heels for about 6€ and the other one pair was about 8€. Usually heels cost like... 40-50€ on the cheap end. So yea... I'm not gonna go shopping for the next few months and that's a promise I HAVE to make to myself, I'm pretty much broke and I have lots of stuff now =) Lets end this with: everyone, go to Poland. Its cheap and a in general a really nice place and yea, I really wish they had those mini cars in those huge malls. 

I wish I was a make-up artist!

Not as an career, no. But it would be awesome to be really good at putting make up on my self just as other people and making all these really cool designs. And just for the hell of it when i'm going out, I could make some bigger make up which is not too fancy but just different without completely messing it up! I have watched lots of make up tutorials and stuff just to watch people doing the make up and I enjoy it. I get days when I just fool around with my make up and then wash it off but to be honest I'm not that good at it. ='D It's fun tho! And that's all that matters, right? 

The make up I find most important is the eyes. The eyebrows are a must for everyday but the actual eye make up... oh so much can be done. Look at the photo above and below. I chose them because it has so much detail, you can see like 4 colors mixed and then the design with the eyeliner especially on the top one. I think it looks just amazing! I would love to learn to do something like this!! Maybe I'll try one day when I get bored, but I think it would be awesome to go to some course where i'd get ideas and tips on different styles of make up. Above all it would be super fun! Maybe I will one day, you never know. =) 

I wish people would love this song as much as I do =)

I heard this song in my friends car today and then came home and listened to it so many times that I'm already getting a little bit tired of it. Except I think I can never get sick of this. If I could sing and play the piano better I would learn to play this and then sing it over and over. Of course alone tho. Heh... =) I liked it from the very first time I heard it and I hope others would too!

Otherwise on WHATS GOING ON IN MY LIFE right now, I'm having my final exams in about a week and a half and I haven't studied at all yet! I've been having study break for about 2½ weeks now and I have just been lazy and I need to get enough points to get into the university I applied for. I seriously hate studying and have 0 motivation. I forced my self to read biology the other day. I sat there for about 3-4 hours and read about 3/4 of a page and day dreamed the rest of the time. I'm in big trouble and if motivation doesn't soon come to me, looks like I'm gonna be sitting a year waiting for a retake on the exams. What am I gonna do? =(

I wish they still had drive-in movies!

Why don't they have drive-in movies anymore??? In old movies you see couples driving to a place outside where there is a movie been played on some random wall and then you sit on top of the car hood and watch it. I think it would be so cool if they still had those and i'd definitely go! I think i'd rather go with my boyfriend to one of those than some random restaurant for dinner. But then again, it would have to be warm and in Finland its pretty much light outside 24-7 during the summers. 

Despite that I think it would be an awesome idea to have those drive-in movies. If they still have those in some part of the world, I wanna know. And if I happen to go to a country where they have those, I'm going and I don't care how much it costs!! And I hope I'll have my boyfriend and a car on top of which I can sit with me then too!

   

I wish I will be a Social Worker one day and love it!

I've never really wanted a specific career but I decided 3 years ago as I moved to Finland that I want to be a social worker. Perhaps it's the amount of people I know here in Finland who have had random problems what should have been done something about when they were younger that influenced my choice... I don't really know. Every year I just want it more, lets put it that way =) SO YES... I applied to a few places in Scotland to study sociology and social work but I really wanted to just get into one of the universities to study social work. And as I waited for replies, of course it was the last university that replied after the long wait and then wanted a interview and then some random essays and criminal records etc... and after all that, I GOT IN!!! So looks like I'm going to be moving to Scotland in September to study to become a social worker then!

One problem, what if I don't like it or feel like I cant mentally deal with it? I think it will be just fine and yes many people have told me that its a challenging job mentally and the work comes home with you everyday and yea... but its the only thing I have ever really wanted so yea. And whatever career I end up having I want it to have something to do with helping people directly. I wanna know I spent my life helping out others when I grow old so sounds like this could be the right place for me. After a year of studying I have my first work experience so... I guess latest by then I will know, for now I will just hope I'm making the right choice. No, I know I'm making the right choice. And yes, I will end up liking the job, I have decided. Yes, yes I will. 

I wish I never grow wisdom teeth!!!

Seriously God forbid I ever grow wisdom teeth! I have a very bad dentist phobia... I go crazy days before, I hate hate hate it. When I was a kid I had to sit for hours in the dentist chair since we got to go only once a year to dentist when we came to Finland for holidays (Gambia didn't really have good dentists). I always had lots of cavities since I ate loads of candy which didn't make it any better for me. I dreaded the idea of being in the dentist so much that I actually bit the dentist by 'accident'...? I'm ashamed to admit that I wasn't even that young anymore and my mother had to pull me kicking and screaming in to the dentist room. =D

Now that I've moved to Finland, I hadn't gone to the dentist in years since there was no need to go and no way I'm going there just for the hell of it. My 18th birthday was coming up so I had to go to the dentist because after that Its not free anymore; turned out I had a few cavities and I needed root canal treatment. It was a NIGHTMARE. The dentist told me I'm the most difficult patient she ever had to deal with and thought we should have many short times rather than a few long ones. I had about 9 times within 2 months. The last cavity was on the top at the back and she couldn't even begin to do anything without me starting to move around so ya,... she told me to come check it out after this summer so I hope its not worse off by then, yay!

I don't really know why I'm so frightened of the dentist tho, probably cuz I had to go so much as a kid. Every time I come from the dentist I just feel brutally molested or something. I'm always in the need of a hug for ages. I just hate everything about the dentist, the noise, the smell, the machinery, the dentist her self!... plus I gag every time she sticks something in to my mouth... EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH IT!! Now you probably understand my worst night mare: Wisdom Teeth. Just No. Today I felt as if two of them are starting to grow on the top of my mouth. There are two little bumps that hurt when I touch them so great. All I can hope is that it wont bother me if they grow so I can avoid the dentist suggesting that she should remove them =(

I wish I could travel to all the continents before I die... except Antarctica :)

I love travelling more than anything. My family moved to The Gambia from Finland when I was 5years old meaning that we traveled every summer back and forth with a few detours on the way between the countries. I got so used to traveling that it's very hard for me to stay in one country without traveling for a year. Even after we moved back to Finland a few years ago, it hasn't stopped me traveling every year a few times somewhere. 

As for countries I have so far been to, here goes. I've traveled all around Europe; Finland, Sweden, Spain, England, Holland, Belgium, Poland, Ireland, Greece and Estonia at least, and in Africa I've been to The Gambia, Senegal and the Cape Verde Islands. In Asia, I've been to Turkey recently, and as a child I've been to Israel which I don't really remember. I haven't been to America or Australia at all. And yeah, I'd never go to Antarctica even though penguins would be pretty cool to see. 

I love beaches, shopping, seeing new places, fountains, lights and big cities. I think it would be really cool to see a few wonders of the world like Petra in Jordan for instance too =). In the future random places I'd wanna go to are; Australia, Jordan, Singapore, Thailand, South Africa, Israel again (maybe), Germany, Dubai, Italy... to name a few... too many countries to think about!!! As for America, I've said I don't wanna go there but honestly... I wouldn't mind seeing New York and Los Angeles and maybe Brazil and perhaps even Mexico. I'm probably moving to Scotland in half a year to study as well so ... Yay =) 

I wish I could save a life one day...

There is a million ways you can practically 'save a life'. Little things can have big effects. Think about it, by donating like 2€ to red cross or some other organisation could help in saving somebody's life, donate blood and you've just saved a life, been there as a listener for someone going through a tough time could prevent them from taking their own life and you wouldn't even know it! There's a million ways. I'm sure all of us have played some kinda role in making someones life better or perhaps even saving a life, but I would love to do something bigger. I'd love to know that hey, I just helped that person take a grip on life again or I just turned that persons life around to the better side. It would be an amazing feeling. 

One feeling I'm pretty sure no one would wanna have is knowing you could have done something, and knowing you can't anymore. For instance thinking that your friend takes their own life and you could have been there and stayed up with them all night but you weren't. I think that would be terrible. It would be awesome to know that you gave someone hope in life again or you where the person who changed their life for the better. I don't hope for a situation like that for anyone, but if there was a situation like that, I really wouldn't mind being there for them. 

Another thing is that people are so uptight and 'i don't care about other people' often, no offence if you fall into this category. But reality is that we can't make it alone in this world. There I said it. And I found an amazing photo (the one above), which says it better than a thousand words. Sometimes we just need someone to be there for us and turn that hourglass once again and we just cant do it alone. So start looking out for other people more I guess. =) 

I wish I'll be able to adopt a child someday!

I've never really wanted a child of my own or a child at all actually. BUT; as I've grown older, I've come to the conclusion that perhaps it would be nice to have a child someday. :) ONE THING THOUGH, Why bring a child into this world when there are millions of children in desperate need for a home? I've always thought this way and I always will. Adopting is so expensive in so many countries though which sucks. It should be cheaper so that people who want to adopt could have the chance to if they aren't exactly rich. But hopefully one day when i'm married and we decide to have a child with my future husband (if we do!!!), we will have enough money to afford adoption. 

I've talked about 'me one day in the future when i'm way older wanting to adopt', to some people and I was surprised about how many of then where like 'no way I'd ever adopt, I'd want my own child.' I thought everyone would wanna adopt if they just had the chance to. There are a lot of risks sometimes in adopting and its expensive but c'moon, its a human being just like me and you, plus he/she doesn't have a home. I at least will want to adopt some day if I actually decide to have a child. =)   

I wish I had a pet pig or some other interesting animal!

I've been brought up having all kinds of different pets. We have had many cats and kittens continuously, a rabbit, a turtle, a puppy, many chicken and a few pigeon. Lots of these animals have died and then we got some other pet so we didn't have many pets at the same time really. Now that we've moved to another country, we don't have any pets at all. I really really want a little puppy or something one day but yea... in a really long time I guess. If it was easy to have other animals than the basic cats, dogs, hamsters etc. as pets, I would so own a little mini baby pig or a penguin or something else that's adorable.

Just imagine my friends face expressions when they come visit and a cute baby pig runs to me from under all my clothes on the floor as I come home! It would be ADORABLE! You gotta admit that is sooooo cute. I would give it the best home ever and spoil it. I'd maybe even call it muffin! <3 I have decided that if i ever get a pet that super cute and a little chubby, it will be named muffin. 

Also, as I mentioned before, owning a pet penguin. I get it, its illegal and all the rest of it. But what if it weren't and I got to own one of those little penguins they have in South Africa. Oh wouldn't it be nice; it would flap its little wings and run around excitedly. I'm in love. <3 

 

I wish I was Flexible!

When I was a little kid I always wanted to be a ballerina because of the flexible moves and the throws and everything. I don't wanna be a ballerina anymore but I really wish I were more flexible. I've always admired flexible people and when I see someone bend themselves into weird positions, I'm always like =O 'I wanna do that too'. Well sad story, the only thing I can do is a back bend which I'm very proud of. 

I danced pole dancing (as a art) for a while and there I was forced to stretch and I got way more flexible. It was PAIN but I loved it! I'm sure if i stretched for like 15minutes everyday, I'd be able to pull off a split eventually. Well unfortunately I am too lazy for that. I might force myself to start going to deep stretching classes at my gym since I'm getting a gym card tho. There's something to think about for me. But yea anyway, just a quick post of what was on my mind today since I haven't been posting for a while. Now i'll be off to stretch since I got motivated! =D

I wish my future home will contain these things =)

Firstly let me point out that I am aware that I will probably not be able to afford these things until i'm like 50 so yeah. That's why the title has the 'I wish' in it. As a student, I don't need much. I just want a home which contains the necessities and I can hang photos and drawings all around the place.

But as I grow older and settle down somewhere, I'd like to have a home what I can furnish and decorate how I want to, so lets hope I can afford that by then. Firstly I'd like a double bed which is really comfortable and has a decorated head board. (something like in the picture below but not that one) Secondly, I'd like to have a Jacuzzi or just a big bathtub. Thirdly I'd LOVE a crystal chandelier! I saw one a few days ago I fell in love with for 400€ so... that's never gonna happen but still! Not a typical one, but rather one with some modern design on it as well.

Other things I'd like to have are for instance some cast-iron garden furniture such as a bench or a table or something... I just love them. Also a mini fountain would be nice somewhere, some random one outside or perhaps a mist fountain inside in some corner. <3 Lastly the minor touch ups I've though about would be layered curtains meaning 2 or 3 different curtains on windows (one see through one covering whole window, then some nice curtains on the sides) and my walls painted not just one color but designed. Perhaps a painted black tree on one wall would be pretty. 

So there... that's all I've had in mind for a future home so far =)

I wish life wouldn't be so hard without my computer

I am addicted to my computer... and I don't even do much on it, I just stare at it and go through stupid websites. I think this is a problem with most young people now a days. Honestly, the people I talk to online are exactly like me; 'Hey, whats up?' 'nothing, bored, and u?' 'ah... nothing much'. The basic way of starting a conversation with someone who just sits on their computer all day. I only got a own computer 2 years ago when I moved to another country, and ever since i've been in love with it.... Not as bad as I used to though. Before I couldn't live without my computer, but now a days I don't mind THAT much... kinda, sorta, maybe... heh...

I'm sending my computer off for a few weeks to be fixed and I hope in the meantime I could build a life without sitting on the computer all day. Perhaps come home and study.... (like thats ever gonna happen). The only problem is that my school work mainly needs to be done on this computer so that will get a lil frustrating eventually I guess. Well we will see how this goes... one day at a time. So c ya in a few weeks I guess, unless I miss this too much and find away to access a computer <3 

I wish I had something called 'motivation'!!

I suffer from a huge lack of motivation. Right now I've had a 2½ week holiday and tomorrow school resumes. I have to do a 1500 word History Internal Assesment, study for my driving school theory exam and finnish my personal statement, all for tomorrow. Gosh... and its no 5minute thing... AND I'M HERE WRITTING THIS!!

Another really annoying thing is that I have done nothing today.... seriously NOTHING at all. Yesterday I was planning to go sleep about 11 so I could have a fresh start.... well plans change I guess. This is really annoying and I should really really really change my ways. 

My lack of motivation is based on school mainly... but I gotta admit, i'm always late for everything, i'm really last minute, and if I start something, most likely I won't finnish it if i don't do it right away. I have no idea what I can do about this problem. I've tried everything; wake up earlier, sit in the library, try hide my computer..... NOTHING WORKS. I hope this will change before I move out to a university... otherwise i'm screwed! 

I wish we would understand that 'Everybody hurts some days' and its okay =)

Lets get right to it - we all have our emotional days. Today I had a really happy, hyper, energetic day but sometimes I have a sad, moody, depressed day. I usually have a bunch of really good days and all of a sudden for no reason have a bad day. Those days are the ones I hate being asked 'Whats wrong?' or 'Is everything okay?' since how are you gonna explain without the other person looking at you all weird anyway? My theory is that if you're happy for long, you're bound to have a negative day or moment soon to balance it out. Not that I don't believe in being happy constantly but ... you know what I mean right? 

I used to have sad days quite alot at one point. I thought to myself is it normal sometimes but.... I sometimes kinda needed a break where i'd be moody and listen to sad music all day, and be in my lazyday clothes, and lie in bed and just be me. Usually I don't even have a proper reason to be sad and sometimes almost find myself kind of looking for a reason. So yes! It is normal and definately does some good for you to sometimes just screw everything and have a lazy emotional sad day. I thought of writting about this when I listened to this song by Avril Lavigne - Everybody Hurts and thought of it like.... this is so true!! 

'Everybody hurts some days
It’s okay to be afraid
Everybody hurts
Everybody screams
Everybody feels this way
And that’s okay
La da da da da da
 That’s okay'