I wish I get a job and don't have to take a loan!

If anyone at any point thought I am in anyway rich or well off or spoiled little brat - you were mistaken. I am a poor student. I want a job that would in some way relate to my future career but it is really hard to find a job in my country (I am going to see my family for the summer). I could take a cleaners job I've done during my holidays (since I was 16) at a hotel but I've injured my back because of it so I don't think it would be too smart of me. So yeah someone please tell me where I'm meant to pull money out of. My friends and family tell me I should just use my student loan but I just don't feel comfortable doing that. I know its completely normal to take the loan and it is meant to support students during their studies, hence the name, but I know I would just constantly think about how much I'm on minus. I'm just not comfortable with the idea. So fingers crossed someone will want to employ me or I'll just have to go back to the hotel for a month at least. I don't want the picture below to me soon. Meh.

Just a little word of thinking with brains here at the bottom. I am really thankful that I am lucky enough to live in a country where I get free tuition fees, I know that a lot of people do not have that luxury. Also tonnes of people are way worse off than me so I should not stress about this. I will end up taking the loan if I don't figure out something this summer but I am stressed about it and this is my little I wish blog so I get to come rage about my life here ;D

P.s Sorry I haven't been posting much lately <3

I wish I could escape life.

Life is hectic sometimes. For me that sometimes is now so I would like to take the easy way out and escape from life. Oh if it only were that simple. I'm at the end of my first year of university so I'm in this horrible situation of having to pick who to live with out of 3 people who pretty much think/expect they are going to live with me and I basically feel like I'm being pulled in every direction at the crossroads. And the feeling of knowing that whatever I do, is going to hurt someone is the worst feeling ever. I'm hating my life right now. On top of that I sent my mother today the messages I was supposed to send my cousin complaining about my life which didn't make my stress any better (except I realized what a loving mom I had in a completely new way which was very nice). On top of all this I have a politics and social work essay to write as well as eventually start studying for my up-coming exams (lowest priority right now). Oh someone just take me away from this world for a bit PLEASE! I know it will sort it's self out eventually but until then couldn't I just disappear somewhere far far away? Sigh...

I wish that during the next 3 weeks will restore all my energy as I am worn out by life.

I have been STRESSED! I just wrote my last high school finals exam paper today. Finals lasted for 3 weeks and even though I was really easy going with them, I stressed. I haven't slept much, haven't seen people that much, haven't even had time to take a shower some days. That's how stressed I am. Otherwise too I'm mentally just... tiered. I need a holiday. Therefore I booked tickets to Turkey with my cousin for 2 weeks leaving in a few days. It's been a big hassle talking this over with my family but I need a holiday, I wont care what anyone says now, I'm going. 

I just wanna lie on the beach, phone switched off, nothing on my mind; no worries, no stress, nothing to do. Just me with my cousin lying on the beach in peace with no planning ahead. Taking one day at a time. I can't wait! It will be amazing, I just have to watch how much money I plan on using since I am kinda broke now =D

One aim of my holiday is also for me to be able to just be with God as well. I have been going through some stuff with him and I'd like to take care off basically, and yea I've been busy lately so I just wanna take time out and spend time with him too. <3 It will be amazing. I'm positive!! I'll return a new fresh person!!!