I wish I'll have a Bengal cat someday!

I know for sure that I will own a cat someday when I get a permanent home, I love cats! I've never really cared that much for different breeds but Bengal cats??? They are to die for! They are so pretty and their personality is so playful and energetic. The only thing is they are super expensive! At least in Finland they are. I went on gumtree and there was an ad for 3 Bengal cats free to a new home but of course I cant make a commitment like that right now because I'm a student. Otherwise I would have gone for it. Oh well, some day I will buy a little Bengal kitten and I will love her! Can't wait! <3

 

I wish I had a water mattress

I don't know why but I've always wanted one. Must be annoying to set it up and 'maintain' it and all that but I really want one someday. I think I'd just lye in my bed and move a bit causing little waves... I'd never want to get out of bed! Since I find it hard already now to get out of bed I think it would be even harder once that comes into my life. Reality check, I'm probably never going to get one and if I did who knows, I could just end up with a sore back. So yea, maybe I'll find a hotel one day with a water bed and try it. Maybe it will count just being able to sleep one night on a water bed. 

Oh and I just found out that in most water beds you can control the temperature of the water meaning that resolves the problem of being too hot or too cold at night! You could even go over the top with it and get an octagon shaped bed while you're at it... =D

I wish I had a side swept fringe/bangs

I have always liked side swept bangs/fringes. They are so pretty and I just wish I knew if one would suit me or not. Here comes the reason why I have never really got one: my family/relatives have something against fringes and they are always going on about how ugly they are on people. I agree they don't suit everyone but I would like to try. I wouldn't get a fringe that comes till my eyebrows definitely though, I would like a side swept fringe rather. I once told the hairdresser to cut me one which I can hide into my hair easily and I loved the look of it when I put it out even though it was so annoying on my eyes all the time! 

If I were to do it now, I'd feel horrible cutting so much of my hair off because i've been growing it for ages. I wish I would have ignored my family and relatives and shut my ears to their comments and gone for it a few years ago. It would have grown out in no time. Agh. I think I will tell the hairdresser next time to cut me a hidden fringe again so I can somehow pull it out if I want. Lots of people have told me that a fringe would really suit me without me even asking for an opinion so I'll just believe that. It's just so hard to ignore closest peoples opinions who are there all the time.

I got a solution though! I know I am so stupid but whatever! I went on ebay and got a fake clip-on fringe (real hair and cheap (Y)). Yes, I did. I'm currently waiting for it to arrive and can't wait to play around with it. I watched reviews on it and a lot of people seem to like them. Basically I won't need to commit to cutting my hair before I'm sure, and its real human hair so I'm guessing it would blend in easier. So yes, maybe I'll feel more confident getting a real fringe after I'm sure if it fits me or not. 

I wish I had these London skyline tights

Normally I would go for a simple design in tights that aren't too eye catchy but I found ones I love. They look a bit like stay ups since the top part is skin colored and where the color changes, there are different buildings from London on them. I love them. They are neat and classy and I think I would actually wear them if I had them. I'm not sure what I would wear them with really, but maybe some sort of skirt or a tight mini dress. The tights aren't something I would necessarily pick to wear just like that but I would force myself to wear them and I think I would quite like the outfit. Plus you can wear something quite plain with stockings like these since they are kinda showy. Just add a pretty bag and necklace or something.

 I would order these but apparently they were limited edition by Marks and Spencer's and they would have cost about £10. There are people online trying to get these stockings to come back on sale but no luck so far and I couldn't find them on sale on any other site. I'll just keep hoping I'll find these somewhere someday.

I wish I'll never have to be separated from a loved one :(

Okay, I'm already separated from my family since I moved to Scotland now but that doesn't bother me much. I guess I'm used to not seeing them sometimes (okay maybe I miss them just a little bit...). But I wish I never never never will have to be separated from my boyfriend. That would be horrible. Just imagine being separated from someone you care about that much for like a year. That would take a lot of commitment, patience and love. 

Sad part is I'm probably gonna have to be separated from mine for at least a year at some point. He will have to do army and unless I go to Finland to wait for him to come visit every now and then, we will have to go long distance for a bit. It will be absolutely horrible. It's gonna be all about skype and mail. I think I would actually sit down and write a letter at that point. I guess its all part of being in a long distance relationship. I'm so not looking forward to it (if it ends up happening). =/

I wish I didn't have to proof to myself that I'm loved so much.

I feel like I push limits in order to find out if I'm accepted and loved. I feel like if I get upset I often harden my heart and push the limit just a bit or say something to see what the other person will do. Not like mean things but just something like not reacting to something that should be reacted to. I feel like maybe I try seek this need to be accepted. I think what would really proof something to me is if I could be really bitchy and do stupid things and just be a not nice person and still I would have someone be with me the entire day and not say one negative thing to me.

Stuff that I hate I also like to see if someone would do them to me. I hate being hung up the phone to. I hate being slammed the door at. I hate being insulted. I hate someone talking negatively about my loved ones. I hate it if someone get too close to something thats very important to me.  I think I often try see if someone close to me would do something to me that they know I hate, or they know I'll get hurt of. And I think I get really offended if someone does something to me that they know will make me unhappy and hurt me. Its the ugly truth I guess... I think I'm a difficult person. 


Whats with that anyway? Why do I have such a huge need to be proven that I'm loved sometimes?

I wish I had the chance to swim while it rains again!

...In a river, or an ocean, or a sea, or a lake, or just anywhere while it rains! I saw a picture of someone swimming in the rain and right at that moment I had a flashback of when I was little and we were swimming when it started to rain. The feeling was AMAZING! I just didn't wanna leave! Anyone who has ever swam in the rain knows exactly what I'm talking about. Especially if the water is kinda warm and the rain is a bit cold. Just amazing. 

If I was in a country where there was warm water and it suddenly started to rain (not just any kinda rain, pouring rain) I would just take my clothes off and just run in! I don't know why I would like it so much but maybe its cuz firstly I haven't swam for ages since the rivers are so cold in Finland and no way I'll swim here in Scotland! Last time I really really enjoyed myself while swimming outdoors was when I still lived in The Gambia. Now if I ever make it to the water, I just wanna get out pretty fast. But yea, and secondly, I just love rain! Most of the time at least, not freezing rain as much :) 

Swimming + Rain = Just the perfect combination <3

I wish people cared more about how others are doing in life

Life is hard. It almost feels like you can't make it in this world alone. Of course there are the moments when life is really easy and you forget how hard life can be but trust me, hard times will come! Anyway thats not my point. You know how we ask people 'How are you?' when we see them. Who wants to hear any answer to it that a basic positive answer such as 'I'm fine' or 'oh, I'm ok and you?'. Since we don't expect to hear anything but a 'I'm fine', that fine could mean a tonne of things. Imagine asking a person you don't know that well, how are they doing and they explained their worries to you. Honestly, how awkward would that be... I guess it would be nice to be there to listen to them but it's just unexpected. 

I thought about this because my cousin asked me 'How are you managing to wake up from your bed in the mornings now a days?' and I thought, that is an amazing way to ask someone indirectly without intruding is everything okay. And since its not just a normal question like how are you, it makes you actually think about it... how am I really? I thought it would be nice to hear someone ask me more often, hey how are you really? So yea, I guess especially with close people I will start asking how they are in a bit different ways than just hey 'how's u?' and show that I care. =)

I wish thoughts didn't have such a huge impact on us

I have started thinking about this more and more and realizing how thoughts can just eat you up from the inside without you realizing a thing. Thoughts are created by what we see, hear, feel etc. Thats why I personally think we should be extremely careful what we expose ourselves to. We all know our own bodies and what affects us, but a lot of things in this world affect us more than we tend to realize. When I was younger I listened to a lot of music and I let it get to me. I only realized years later that I thought about exactly what they said in the songs and they kinda hypnotized me to this state of mind (depending on what the song was about). It had such a huge impact on me and I found myself depressed in my room so often and I didn't know why. The songs made me wanna be sad and made me want to feel more and made me wanna be something else. 

If you don't get what I mean, a typical example that I'm sure you have had would be listening to a happy cheery song. You know that moment when you become really happy just listening to the song and you wanna dance and jump around, well the same effects come from all different genre/types of songs. If a person listens to a lot of depressing songs, they are more likely to end up depressed in my opinion. This is because the thoughts will take over you. I randomly came across a picture of a bible with a scripture (photo below) that pictures exactly what I think perfectly. So I decided to post it. 

Another thing is that when you have a little worry and you think about it a lot, it becomes a big worry. Thoughts take control of a person so easily that I think people should be more careful. Of course we are all different but I think to some extent this goes out to everyone. I decided to make a change and I deleted all my music. I only listen to songs on youtube if i remember a song randomly but I don't spend my days listening all the time and when I get sad I don't dwell on sad music anymore. I have noticed a huge change in the past about half a year. When I hear those songs what had a huge impact on me earlier, I feel this thing inside me that brings back a little bit of that down feeling that it would eventually give me and thats why I know better now. 
                                                                               Just something to think about...

I wish I'll have guts to go skinny dipping one day!!

Yes this sounds a bit odd but I'd wanna do that. It would take so much guts but... why not. Especially if other people (close people) are like yea lets do it, I think I'd maybe consider it. So it I was at a beach with basically no one there and I was far from the place I live in, It would be way easier for me to actually do that, I'd just maybe go for it. I'd have to be in a stupid mood tho but still. :) The photo below was just hilarious so I had to put it here.

This sounds really stupid so I hope no family members ever find out about this blog and judge me for it. hahaa! 

I wish happiness wasn't taken for granted.

I very much dislike seeing people who don't appreciate happiness. I mean if you see it in them that they really don't care. In moments like that I find myself thinking, haven't they ever learnt anything about sadness? Like anything? I'm not too comfortable talking about this but I've gone through times when the feeling of happiness had eventually disappeared completely. Lets just say when you don't feel happiness at all when you laugh, smile, something nice happens, it's gonna be your only wish that you could feel even a tiny little bit happiness again. Trust me I know and its horrible. After a few months I felt a tiny bit of happiness and I was scared to go sleep in case I would wake up in the morning and not be happy anymore.

So my point is that somehow I feel like something should happen to all of us in order for us to appreciate happiness but somehow I just think 'God forbid anyone should go through anything negative if they don't have to'. I know we have all gone through rough times but for it to be so bad that you miss the feeling of happiness and make it your only wish, it's sometimes hard to talk and relate with people who haven't had to go through so much. I don't know, it's complicated. Those of you who have gone through something similar will know what I'm talking about. So yeah, those of you who don't, appreciate happiness and never take it for granted because your happiness can be taken away from you when you least expect it.

I wish I never grow wisdom teeth!!!

Seriously God forbid I ever grow wisdom teeth! I have a very bad dentist phobia... I go crazy days before, I hate hate hate it. When I was a kid I had to sit for hours in the dentist chair since we got to go only once a year to dentist when we came to Finland for holidays (Gambia didn't really have good dentists). I always had lots of cavities since I ate loads of candy which didn't make it any better for me. I dreaded the idea of being in the dentist so much that I actually bit the dentist by 'accident'...? I'm ashamed to admit that I wasn't even that young anymore and my mother had to pull me kicking and screaming in to the dentist room. =D

Now that I've moved to Finland, I hadn't gone to the dentist in years since there was no need to go and no way I'm going there just for the hell of it. My 18th birthday was coming up so I had to go to the dentist because after that Its not free anymore; turned out I had a few cavities and I needed root canal treatment. It was a NIGHTMARE. The dentist told me I'm the most difficult patient she ever had to deal with and thought we should have many short times rather than a few long ones. I had about 9 times within 2 months. The last cavity was on the top at the back and she couldn't even begin to do anything without me starting to move around so ya,... she told me to come check it out after this summer so I hope its not worse off by then, yay!

I don't really know why I'm so frightened of the dentist tho, probably cuz I had to go so much as a kid. Every time I come from the dentist I just feel brutally molested or something. I'm always in the need of a hug for ages. I just hate everything about the dentist, the noise, the smell, the machinery, the dentist her self!... plus I gag every time she sticks something in to my mouth... EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH IT!! Now you probably understand my worst night mare: Wisdom Teeth. Just No. Today I felt as if two of them are starting to grow on the top of my mouth. There are two little bumps that hurt when I touch them so great. All I can hope is that it wont bother me if they grow so I can avoid the dentist suggesting that she should remove them =(

I wish I could travel to all the continents before I die... except Antarctica :)

I love travelling more than anything. My family moved to The Gambia from Finland when I was 5years old meaning that we traveled every summer back and forth with a few detours on the way between the countries. I got so used to traveling that it's very hard for me to stay in one country without traveling for a year. Even after we moved back to Finland a few years ago, it hasn't stopped me traveling every year a few times somewhere. 

As for countries I have so far been to, here goes. I've traveled all around Europe; Finland, Sweden, Spain, England, Holland, Belgium, Poland, Ireland, Greece and Estonia at least, and in Africa I've been to The Gambia, Senegal and the Cape Verde Islands. In Asia, I've been to Turkey recently, and as a child I've been to Israel which I don't really remember. I haven't been to America or Australia at all. And yeah, I'd never go to Antarctica even though penguins would be pretty cool to see. 

I love beaches, shopping, seeing new places, fountains, lights and big cities. I think it would be really cool to see a few wonders of the world like Petra in Jordan for instance too =). In the future random places I'd wanna go to are; Australia, Jordan, Singapore, Thailand, South Africa, Israel again (maybe), Germany, Dubai, Italy... to name a few... too many countries to think about!!! As for America, I've said I don't wanna go there but honestly... I wouldn't mind seeing New York and Los Angeles and maybe Brazil and perhaps even Mexico. I'm probably moving to Scotland in half a year to study as well so ... Yay =)