I Wish I Didn't Get Social Anxiety

I've always had it but only thought about it lately, I suffer from social anxiety. I'm really out going as in I can ask strangers on the street for directions and talk to them like I've known them forever, but when it comes to a university situation, or meeting friends of friends, or being in a large group of people I kinda don't know, I get really quiet and I feel super awkward. I hate that about me. I avoid going to places where I know my friends have their own friends because I know I'm gonna feel awkward and like an outsider since I become really quiet. I'm okay most of the time but sometimes it comes and I just can't get rid of it. It just makes you over think everything and you end up shutting up and feeling awkward.

This summer I'm meant to be meeting friends who come with their own friends, and I've already cancelled going out once and made other plans since I felt awkward, and now I was invited for a weekend at a summer cottage with a bunch of people and I just feel really awkward about it. I replied that I will see if I have other plans just in case I feel really awkward about it and don't wanna go to the summer cottage after all. If I could change stuff about me, I'd change this. I also feel like I don't want to make an effort sometimes in case it gets awkward and rather just sit on my own instead. I think this is mainly because I dread just going to sit next to someone and saying "hi, what was your name again?". Sometimes I'll make friends with perfect strangers just like that, but then there are the times I just want to disappear from the world when faced with a large group of random people. I'm complicated. 

- That photo gives you a brief idea what I'm talking about but my situation definitely isn't that bad! :D

I wish I never grow wisdom teeth!!!

Seriously God forbid I ever grow wisdom teeth! I have a very bad dentist phobia... I go crazy days before, I hate hate hate it. When I was a kid I had to sit for hours in the dentist chair since we got to go only once a year to dentist when we came to Finland for holidays (Gambia didn't really have good dentists). I always had lots of cavities since I ate loads of candy which didn't make it any better for me. I dreaded the idea of being in the dentist so much that I actually bit the dentist by 'accident'...? I'm ashamed to admit that I wasn't even that young anymore and my mother had to pull me kicking and screaming in to the dentist room. =D

Now that I've moved to Finland, I hadn't gone to the dentist in years since there was no need to go and no way I'm going there just for the hell of it. My 18th birthday was coming up so I had to go to the dentist because after that Its not free anymore; turned out I had a few cavities and I needed root canal treatment. It was a NIGHTMARE. The dentist told me I'm the most difficult patient she ever had to deal with and thought we should have many short times rather than a few long ones. I had about 9 times within 2 months. The last cavity was on the top at the back and she couldn't even begin to do anything without me starting to move around so ya,... she told me to come check it out after this summer so I hope its not worse off by then, yay!

I don't really know why I'm so frightened of the dentist tho, probably cuz I had to go so much as a kid. Every time I come from the dentist I just feel brutally molested or something. I'm always in the need of a hug for ages. I just hate everything about the dentist, the noise, the smell, the machinery, the dentist her self!... plus I gag every time she sticks something in to my mouth... EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH IT!! Now you probably understand my worst night mare: Wisdom Teeth. Just No. Today I felt as if two of them are starting to grow on the top of my mouth. There are two little bumps that hurt when I touch them so great. All I can hope is that it wont bother me if they grow so I can avoid the dentist suggesting that she should remove them =(