Looking back...

When I started this blog I hoped it would help me see how I have changed throughout the years and it has done that for me. I have often come here to put my feelings down. To be honest with you, I often forget about this blog until I am upset as this is where I used to come when I was the most upset. When I read back on this blog I realized how much I have been through in the past years and how my feelings have reflected from what I have written. To go with the theme of sadness I wanted to post the song Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men that speaks about depression. I absolutely love the song and can relate to it very well. There is something beautiful about the song though and I am happy that a song like that has been written especially due to the stigma of mental health. 

"Little Talks"

Hey! Hey! Hey!

I don't like walking around this old and empty house

So hold my hand, I'll walk with you my dear

The stairs creak as I sleep,

It's keeping me awake

It's the house telling you to close your eyes

And some days I can't even trust myself

It's killing me to see you this way

'Cause though the truth may vary

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Hey! Hey! Hey!

There's an old voice in my head

That's holding me back

Well tell her that I miss our little talks

Soon it will all be over, and buried with our past

We used to play outside when we were young

And full of life and full of love

Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right.

Your mind is playing tricks on you my dear

'Cause though the truth may vary

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Hey!

Don't listen to a word I say

Hey!

The screams all sound the same

Hey!

Though the truth may vary

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

You're gone, gone, gone away,

I watched you disappear

All that's left is a ghost of you

Now we're torn, torn, torn apart,

there's nothing we can do,

Just let me go, we'll meet again soon

Now wait, wait, wait for me, please hang around

I'll see you when I fall asleep

Hey!

Don't listen to a word I say

Hey!

The screams all sound the same

Hey!

Though the truth may vary

this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Hey!

Don't listen to a word I say

Hey!

The screams all sound the same

Hey!

Though the truth may vary

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Though the truth may vary

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Though the truth may vary

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

I wish thoughts didn't have such a huge impact on us

I have started thinking about this more and more and realizing how thoughts can just eat you up from the inside without you realizing a thing. Thoughts are created by what we see, hear, feel etc. Thats why I personally think we should be extremely careful what we expose ourselves to. We all know our own bodies and what affects us, but a lot of things in this world affect us more than we tend to realize. When I was younger I listened to a lot of music and I let it get to me. I only realized years later that I thought about exactly what they said in the songs and they kinda hypnotized me to this state of mind (depending on what the song was about). It had such a huge impact on me and I found myself depressed in my room so often and I didn't know why. The songs made me wanna be sad and made me want to feel more and made me wanna be something else. 

If you don't get what I mean, a typical example that I'm sure you have had would be listening to a happy cheery song. You know that moment when you become really happy just listening to the song and you wanna dance and jump around, well the same effects come from all different genre/types of songs. If a person listens to a lot of depressing songs, they are more likely to end up depressed in my opinion. This is because the thoughts will take over you. I randomly came across a picture of a bible with a scripture (photo below) that pictures exactly what I think perfectly. So I decided to post it. 

Another thing is that when you have a little worry and you think about it a lot, it becomes a big worry. Thoughts take control of a person so easily that I think people should be more careful. Of course we are all different but I think to some extent this goes out to everyone. I decided to make a change and I deleted all my music. I only listen to songs on youtube if i remember a song randomly but I don't spend my days listening all the time and when I get sad I don't dwell on sad music anymore. I have noticed a huge change in the past about half a year. When I hear those songs what had a huge impact on me earlier, I feel this thing inside me that brings back a little bit of that down feeling that it would eventually give me and thats why I know better now. 
                                                                               Just something to think about...

I wish happiness wasn't taken for granted.

I very much dislike seeing people who don't appreciate happiness. I mean if you see it in them that they really don't care. In moments like that I find myself thinking, haven't they ever learnt anything about sadness? Like anything? I'm not too comfortable talking about this but I've gone through times when the feeling of happiness had eventually disappeared completely. Lets just say when you don't feel happiness at all when you laugh, smile, something nice happens, it's gonna be your only wish that you could feel even a tiny little bit happiness again. Trust me I know and its horrible. After a few months I felt a tiny bit of happiness and I was scared to go sleep in case I would wake up in the morning and not be happy anymore.

So my point is that somehow I feel like something should happen to all of us in order for us to appreciate happiness but somehow I just think 'God forbid anyone should go through anything negative if they don't have to'. I know we have all gone through rough times but for it to be so bad that you miss the feeling of happiness and make it your only wish, it's sometimes hard to talk and relate with people who haven't had to go through so much. I don't know, it's complicated. Those of you who have gone through something similar will know what I'm talking about. So yeah, those of you who don't, appreciate happiness and never take it for granted because your happiness can be taken away from you when you least expect it.