I wish I had these London skyline tights

Normally I would go for a simple design in tights that aren't too eye catchy but I found ones I love. They look a bit like stay ups since the top part is skin colored and where the color changes, there are different buildings from London on them. I love them. They are neat and classy and I think I would actually wear them if I had them. I'm not sure what I would wear them with really, but maybe some sort of skirt or a tight mini dress. The tights aren't something I would necessarily pick to wear just like that but I would force myself to wear them and I think I would quite like the outfit. Plus you can wear something quite plain with stockings like these since they are kinda showy. Just add a pretty bag and necklace or something.

 I would order these but apparently they were limited edition by Marks and Spencer's and they would have cost about £10. There are people online trying to get these stockings to come back on sale but no luck so far and I couldn't find them on sale on any other site. I'll just keep hoping I'll find these somewhere someday.

I wish I could write essays faster and not always last minute!

I am the kind of person that will start writing an essay a night before the deadline. Most stupid idea ever, yet I always go for it. Realizing how little time I have to write an essay is my best motivation. This semester at school they announced that there will be no exams. Instead we will have to write four essays, on our Christmas holiday. Super! So far I have written all my essays last minute. 3 down, 1 to go. I just found out that I will be leaving tomorrow away from home and I'll be gone past the due date of this essay meaning it must be done today. Well I have 8 hours to do it and then I have to be out the door so .. yea. Good Luck to me. And yes I have left it to the last minute... again, its 1am at the moment. =D

The sad part is that the information I use in the essays can't be gotten off the Internet either... it has to be taken out of different books. -.- This sucks big time cuz this will be extremely time consuming. I'm hating uni at the moment, and these essays aren't nothing to what I'll have to do in the next years. This shall be interesting... =(

I wish I had the words of wisdom more often.

I realize the more stuff in my own life go wrong, the more bad advice I give to others. The advice I give is what anyone else would and what a person would automatically assume should be done, not what I believe to be right. I feel like if everything isn't okay with me, I easily just don't put my time to help others and instead go with the first thoughts that come to mind. I think this is really selfish of me but I can't help it. A lot of friends have asked for advice on basic stuff during the past few days and I have done so. BUT, afterwards I have had a bad conscious and felt like I haven't given the advice I should have. 

I right now feel like I pretty much shouldn't have much to do with people or just try avoid giving advice till I get stuff in my life sorted basically. So yea, I have being listening to this song a lot in the past few days and feel like this song will be my advice to everything for a while. =D  

I wish I owned a longboard!

Thanks to my boyfriend who has taught me how to long board, I've kinda started liking it. But of course when I want to go long boarding, I can't be bothered to go to my boyfriends place and borrow his long board so yea, I wish I had my own!

I don't wanna go buy one though since I don't really have a permanent home for a few years now until I finish studying and yea, long boards aren't exactly cheap. I also want a long board only if I live in a kinda quiet neighborhood instead of a city (perfect place: Finland). 

So yes, I guess some day I will buy a long board! And when I do, I will stick tonnes of stickers on it and make it look like something that I own. Maybe already during my summers visiting Finland or then in 3 years when I move on with my life to perhaps a more permanent home somewhere.

I wish I had a garden to decorate with giant colored ice marbles :D

I saw a photo of colored ice balls in snow a while back and loved the idea. Especially in Finland where I am from, different colored ice balls in snow would look amazing! They are also really simple to make apparently. Just fill balloons with food coloring and water and let them freeze. Since its so cold here as well, I wouldn't even need to put them in a freezer, I could just put them outside and they would freeze. I think they look beautiful! I think I might actually make those still to make my parents house porch look really pretty :) 

Happy New Years!

I wish I will suceed in saving a bunch of money!

I have never made a new years promise, and this doesn't feel like one really so I'll just say it's a new years decision. I want to save up money. I would LOVE to have little jars where I put coins and every now and then, maybe even a bill. I would label the jars with different notes what say what I would like to spend that money on. If I could get a good bunch of money in a jar, just imagine how awesome it would be when it comes to using it! I wouldn't have to care how much I'm using since I saved it for that purpose. 

Since I live by myself I think its also a good idea since I'm pretty sure at some point during my studies I'll go bankrupt. I think I'll just have to have a few of the jars not see through so I don't actually see the money. Maybe ill put bills into a glass bottle because its quite hard to get them out without breaking the bottle. But yes, next year I am going to save up money! Happy New Years everyone, I'll also try to post more! <3

I wish I'll never have to be separated from a loved one :(

Okay, I'm already separated from my family since I moved to Scotland now but that doesn't bother me much. I guess I'm used to not seeing them sometimes (okay maybe I miss them just a little bit...). But I wish I never never never will have to be separated from my boyfriend. That would be horrible. Just imagine being separated from someone you care about that much for like a year. That would take a lot of commitment, patience and love. 

Sad part is I'm probably gonna have to be separated from mine for at least a year at some point. He will have to do army and unless I go to Finland to wait for him to come visit every now and then, we will have to go long distance for a bit. It will be absolutely horrible. It's gonna be all about skype and mail. I think I would actually sit down and write a letter at that point. I guess its all part of being in a long distance relationship. I'm so not looking forward to it (if it ends up happening). =/

I wish I didn't have to proof to myself that I'm loved so much.

I feel like I push limits in order to find out if I'm accepted and loved. I feel like if I get upset I often harden my heart and push the limit just a bit or say something to see what the other person will do. Not like mean things but just something like not reacting to something that should be reacted to. I feel like maybe I try seek this need to be accepted. I think what would really proof something to me is if I could be really bitchy and do stupid things and just be a not nice person and still I would have someone be with me the entire day and not say one negative thing to me.

Stuff that I hate I also like to see if someone would do them to me. I hate being hung up the phone to. I hate being slammed the door at. I hate being insulted. I hate someone talking negatively about my loved ones. I hate it if someone get too close to something thats very important to me.  I think I often try see if someone close to me would do something to me that they know I hate, or they know I'll get hurt of. And I think I get really offended if someone does something to me that they know will make me unhappy and hurt me. Its the ugly truth I guess... I think I'm a difficult person. 


Whats with that anyway? Why do I have such a huge need to be proven that I'm loved sometimes?

I wish I had the chance to swim while it rains again!

...In a river, or an ocean, or a sea, or a lake, or just anywhere while it rains! I saw a picture of someone swimming in the rain and right at that moment I had a flashback of when I was little and we were swimming when it started to rain. The feeling was AMAZING! I just didn't wanna leave! Anyone who has ever swam in the rain knows exactly what I'm talking about. Especially if the water is kinda warm and the rain is a bit cold. Just amazing. 

If I was in a country where there was warm water and it suddenly started to rain (not just any kinda rain, pouring rain) I would just take my clothes off and just run in! I don't know why I would like it so much but maybe its cuz firstly I haven't swam for ages since the rivers are so cold in Finland and no way I'll swim here in Scotland! Last time I really really enjoyed myself while swimming outdoors was when I still lived in The Gambia. Now if I ever make it to the water, I just wanna get out pretty fast. But yea, and secondly, I just love rain! Most of the time at least, not freezing rain as much :) 

Swimming + Rain = Just the perfect combination <3

I wish people cared more about how others are doing in life

Life is hard. It almost feels like you can't make it in this world alone. Of course there are the moments when life is really easy and you forget how hard life can be but trust me, hard times will come! Anyway thats not my point. You know how we ask people 'How are you?' when we see them. Who wants to hear any answer to it that a basic positive answer such as 'I'm fine' or 'oh, I'm ok and you?'. Since we don't expect to hear anything but a 'I'm fine', that fine could mean a tonne of things. Imagine asking a person you don't know that well, how are they doing and they explained their worries to you. Honestly, how awkward would that be... I guess it would be nice to be there to listen to them but it's just unexpected. 

I thought about this because my cousin asked me 'How are you managing to wake up from your bed in the mornings now a days?' and I thought, that is an amazing way to ask someone indirectly without intruding is everything okay. And since its not just a normal question like how are you, it makes you actually think about it... how am I really? I thought it would be nice to hear someone ask me more often, hey how are you really? So yea, I guess especially with close people I will start asking how they are in a bit different ways than just hey 'how's u?' and show that I care. =)

I wish thoughts didn't have such a huge impact on us

I have started thinking about this more and more and realizing how thoughts can just eat you up from the inside without you realizing a thing. Thoughts are created by what we see, hear, feel etc. Thats why I personally think we should be extremely careful what we expose ourselves to. We all know our own bodies and what affects us, but a lot of things in this world affect us more than we tend to realize. When I was younger I listened to a lot of music and I let it get to me. I only realized years later that I thought about exactly what they said in the songs and they kinda hypnotized me to this state of mind (depending on what the song was about). It had such a huge impact on me and I found myself depressed in my room so often and I didn't know why. The songs made me wanna be sad and made me want to feel more and made me wanna be something else. 

If you don't get what I mean, a typical example that I'm sure you have had would be listening to a happy cheery song. You know that moment when you become really happy just listening to the song and you wanna dance and jump around, well the same effects come from all different genre/types of songs. If a person listens to a lot of depressing songs, they are more likely to end up depressed in my opinion. This is because the thoughts will take over you. I randomly came across a picture of a bible with a scripture (photo below) that pictures exactly what I think perfectly. So I decided to post it. 

Another thing is that when you have a little worry and you think about it a lot, it becomes a big worry. Thoughts take control of a person so easily that I think people should be more careful. Of course we are all different but I think to some extent this goes out to everyone. I decided to make a change and I deleted all my music. I only listen to songs on youtube if i remember a song randomly but I don't spend my days listening all the time and when I get sad I don't dwell on sad music anymore. I have noticed a huge change in the past about half a year. When I hear those songs what had a huge impact on me earlier, I feel this thing inside me that brings back a little bit of that down feeling that it would eventually give me and thats why I know better now. 
                                                                               Just something to think about...

I wish I found it easier to commit to other people

I found this volunteering organization which I got really interested about, but long term just simply commitment scares me. The organization was for a childline where I would basically be on a shift where I answer the phone if any child wants to talk to me about their worries or troubles. But what worries me is that I don't really know if I would be able to know what to say and know what to answer if a difficult topic comes up so its out of my comfort zone even tho I really wanna do it. It sounded really interesting to me but the second I started thinking about it further I just got this feeling like, do I have this kind of commitment in me?

Another organization was called 'befriend a child' where I would basically commit to hang out with a child twice a month, for 2 hours, for a year minimum. The children are mainly from not so good backgrounds and so the goal basically is to make the child smile and have a good time. When I heard about it I just thought right away YES. But now a few days later I'm like, 'For a year? What if the kid doesn't like me? What if its weird and awkward?' and all that. It's really bad to think like that tho because that few hours that I'd spent with the child could make them forget their reality for a bit and they could just have a good time and laugh. It would probably mean the world to them.

My point basically is that I really really would love to have a responsibility like this where I could feel good about what I do and feel like I'm doing something for someone else, but I feel like I don't really have it in me. Personally I think it would do me some good to step out of my comfort zone especially if its for the good of someone else, but how do I make myself do that. I keep telling myself, 'I'll do it!' and then I'm like 'Naaah' the next second. I really need someone to have a good long chat with me and persuade me to get up and go for it! I know I should go for it, but long story short 'easier said than done'. I really wish I get myself to commit to this in the next months! 

I wish I NEVER have to talk anyone out of suicide again.

I have mentioned in this blog about loving helping people out and I even put a photo up that said 'talking someone out of suicide.' Lets just say that that 'sorta wish' came true, unfortunately. It was NOT fun. I felt such responsibility and I felt like if that person took their own life, it was my fault. I would have done anything to get out of that situation. I didn't know to do honestly. I just talked and listened and talked and gave advice and told what not to do etc. I kept thinking, should I be calling an ambulance? Should I call their friends? Should I call the police? It was so... distressing. 

I talked with the person for hours at night online even tho I had to wake up really early for work. Every now and then it felt like the person just wanted attention and was making a too big deal about everything, and then it felt like they were fo real again. The next day was absolutely horrible. I didn't know if the person was alive and I felt so so so so so bad. I was in my own world constantly thinking about it and I was extremely stressed out. Words cannot express how I felt. Seriously, NEVER again. 

I found out after a few days that the person was alright but in the hospital and I was sooooo thankful. Seriously thank God for everything being okay. Of course if I get into a situation like this one again, I will stay and help out and listen and try talk the person out of suicide, I mean how couldn't I? But if I could pick then I preferably wouldn't. 

I wish I more often witnessed people get over the dark sides/challenges of life

When you know someone and you see that their going through a rough patch in life, you're involved automatically. I have a friend who has been going through a tough time for quite a while and I've thought about her so much. At least for me its a bit self-evident that I try be as a support and try lift people up once they fall. Now here comes the point: Oh the joy when you see or hear that someone you've watched be in this dark place for ages is finally coming to the light again. It feels like there was a battle that has now been won! 

In a way its a victory for me as well because in some situations I feel like I am mentally with the person a lot, and I try fight through those battles with the person. It sure is an amazing feeling when you realize they are free or almost there! After that, all you have to do is make sure they stay up and when you fall, then perhaps someone can help you up. We can't really make it in this world alone can we?

I wish that I will grow old with that one person I choose to marry some day.

I'm used to people getting married and living together till they die. That's why the say 'till death do us part' right. In this modern world we live in tho there are lots of break-up's and divorce's being filed. That's because divorce is made an option. In my life I will not make divorce an option (lets hope my husband wont make it an option either). I have seen difficult marriages and I have come to the conclusion that when I get married, I will at least say my vows and mean them:


For better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.


I know that practically everyone say they mean their vows and how they will be together forever, etc. but seriously, no matter how huge the problem is, then why not have a sit down and fix it. One thing that's always important to remember is that no matter how hard it is, NEVER go to sleep without fixing your issues first. That's how I've lived my life so far, at least most of the time, and I plan to keep it that way. I've not being brought up with divorce being an option and I've seen that marriages WILL be hard, but that's how you learn about each other right? And that is the point.

Old couples are rare to see together now a days, especially the ones from which you can tell that they really love each other. Those are the ones that walk hand in hand, look at each other with loving eyes, help out each other and just be together. I just love seeing that and I really really really hope that I will be in that position myself one day. 

I wish I'll have guts to go skinny dipping one day!!

Yes this sounds a bit odd but I'd wanna do that. It would take so much guts but... why not. Especially if other people (close people) are like yea lets do it, I think I'd maybe consider it. So it I was at a beach with basically no one there and I was far from the place I live in, It would be way easier for me to actually do that, I'd just maybe go for it. I'd have to be in a stupid mood tho but still. :) The photo below was just hilarious so I had to put it here.

This sounds really stupid so I hope no family members ever find out about this blog and judge me for it. hahaa! 

I wish that during the next 3 weeks will restore all my energy as I am worn out by life.

I have been STRESSED! I just wrote my last high school finals exam paper today. Finals lasted for 3 weeks and even though I was really easy going with them, I stressed. I haven't slept much, haven't seen people that much, haven't even had time to take a shower some days. That's how stressed I am. Otherwise too I'm mentally just... tiered. I need a holiday. Therefore I booked tickets to Turkey with my cousin for 2 weeks leaving in a few days. It's been a big hassle talking this over with my family but I need a holiday, I wont care what anyone says now, I'm going. 

I just wanna lie on the beach, phone switched off, nothing on my mind; no worries, no stress, nothing to do. Just me with my cousin lying on the beach in peace with no planning ahead. Taking one day at a time. I can't wait! It will be amazing, I just have to watch how much money I plan on using since I am kinda broke now =D

One aim of my holiday is also for me to be able to just be with God as well. I have been going through some stuff with him and I'd like to take care off basically, and yea I've been busy lately so I just wanna take time out and spend time with him too. <3 It will be amazing. I'm positive!! I'll return a new fresh person!!!

I wish I had long hair! (WAIT: I Can Have Long Hair, whenever I want! So can you!!)

I'll get straight to the point, it takes ages for hair to grow and by the time its long enough, its probably in bad condition and doesn't look that amazing. And besides, its hard looking at your hair going thought the growing process and not being able to do anything to it. I have a solution!!! Good news, get hair extensions! I wish someone had told me this a little earlier. When you think of hair extensions you think of these 'things' that you stick in your hair that end up ruining hair and all that. I've heard of sooo many horror stories until my friend got clip-in hair extensions. I tried them on and fell in love. I ordered hair extensions for pretty expensive from luxyhair.com and they were amazing, soft, natural and there was lots of hair in the pack (120g) I didn't use all the hair at once ever. They are very easy to put on and take off for the night. Took me like 5 minutes to put them on eventually. I haven't used them for quite a while and since summer is coming, I think I'll start using them again. 

I found a cheaper alternative though. I thought I'd sell my extensions which are in quite good condition still to a friend and order new ones from luxstyle.dk. They are just 55€ without any shipping as far as I know. People have given very good feed back so far so I think I'll get them. They are a bit of a smaller pack with 80g of hair but I don't need that much hair so whatever. Its a super easy way to get long hair fast and its extremely natural. The hair is real human hair and feels really soft and amazing. It could be considered cheating a bit but whatever, I loved the hair. One tip tho if you get extensions, don't wash them until necessary. They stay clean for a long time and I washed them sooner than necessary meaning I washed the good hair care products on the hair out meaning it tangles up easier =D This can of course be fixed with serum but yea. I was at least a very happy with the long hair and I think anyone would be. They blend it with really short hair and bit of longer hair so that's not a problem. =) 

I Wish I Felt More Comfortable Smiling

I have always thought that I can't smile showing my teeth cuz i think it looks stupid when I do so. I just smile like :) When I went to model school I got forced to smile showing my teeth and it was... not nice, I felt really awkward as the guy took photos of me. Anyways, recently I have started not minding that much. I've even allowed a few people to take a few photos of me smiling like =D and I gotta admit they weren't bad at all. So I hope I get over that completely and start feeling comfortable with my smile.

Someone once told me never to say a smile is ugly or say anything negative about someones smile no matter how weird it may look, cuz a smile is beautiful. And I agree with that guy, at least now I do! A true smile is the most beautiful thing ever. Personally I have always thought that the best photos of me are the ones where I look sad, but I'm glad that I'm starting to like the happy ones too! C'moon just look at the two photos here, which one would you rather see?

I wish I had brown eyes...

We are never satisfied are we? Those who have curly hair want straight hair and those who have straight hair want curly hair, those who have blue eyes want brown eyes and those who have brown eyes want blue eyes, and so on. I have heard statements like these loads of times and I'm sure you have too. And yeah, unfortunately now you will hear it again, I want chocolate brown eyes. They are naturally just prettier. But then again brown eyes are so common since its the dominant gene that passes on brown eyes while the blue eyes gene is recessive. Yes, I know some biology. =D I have blue eyes and have wanted brown eyes for my whole life basically. 

When I think about it though, if I could get brown eyes permanently right now if I wanted to, I don't think I'd do it. In loads of places around the world people look at blue eyes and admire them because they are so rare. So yeah, I should be thankful. Even though I ended up in the conclusion that I would rather keep my blue eyes, I will never stop admiring brown eyes. There is just something about brown eyes. Today I wore dark brown contacts and I liked seeing myself with them even though they were a bit unnatural. It's a nice change but I have to admit I liked seeing my own blue eyes again once I took them off.