I wish I wasn't scared to donate blood.

I really wanna donate blood but I'm just not comfortable with the idea. I'm not scared of needles or seeing blood but I just feel uncomfortable. My blood group is O- which is the most precious one because I can donate to any other blood group so I feel like I have some sort of responsibility to donate. Oh, the contradiction of wanting to do something but being too scared. I just hate the feeling of someone taking blood from me, something being taken from my arm constantly and I feel the flow. If it was a few second thing I'd be fine since I can kinda hold my breath and force myself to think about pancakes or something, but this will take quite a while. Oh gosh. =( I will one day force myself to do it tho. Thats a promise. Theres an opportunity to donate at my university on the 28th so I will try get myself mentally prepared for this. Most likely won't happen but I'll try my very best not wuss out. I have that nervous feeling in me already, the same one I get when I go to the dentist or something else thats horrible. Wish me luck with this...

I Wish I had Proper Gym/Sports Gear

You know why? Cuz thats what motivates me! It just makes me wanna go to the gym more when I have nice gym clothes instead of an old raggy t-shirt. I don't mean that I should get expensive sports stuff or look amazing at the gym or anything, I just wanna feel good about myself at the gym. I'm quite happy with my puma indoor sports shoes that I have bought recently (I didn't own sports shoes so I had to get these). I'm also happy with my sports pants and shirt. I just hope the pants wont break anytime soon cuz I love them. I could do with one more shirt at least since I only have one, but yea, I can make do with wearing other shirts too. Right now what I really need is a sports bag tho because I just don't have one and my other bags aren't really good for that.

I got a gym membership yesterday and went to the first class+gym today and loved it! I'm so exited!! Thats my explanation being this hyped up about this. I have a pretty nice water bottle too by the way. I wish it was another color though since its annoying red, but otherwise its nice because it says the dance society's name on it to which I go to. But yes, I want to look sporty and feel good about what I look like cuz thats what gets me motivated. Not gonna waste money on that definitely but yea, I'll look around the shops. So happy!! =D

I wish that when I'm old, I'll still be good-looking

I'm sure that by the time I turn 50, I'll look like an old bat. Now obviously if I could pick I wouldn't really like that. Sometimes I see older people who look really good and classy and I just wish I could be like them one day. Of course it's not like a must and I don't want to be forever young or anything. I want to age naturally but still look good. I think a person looks the best when they look natural. When I'm old I'm probably going to be dying my hair to hide gray hairs of course but otherwise if I'm going to make up, I think I'd just do my eyebrows and maybe foundation if I find that necessary. So yea, I found these pictures just randomly online and find the women really good looking and beautiful for their age. Especially the lady with the gray hair looks really good. I love how she has gray hair that has been straightened and styled. The other lady I liked because she had a really natural look. I guess I won't look that bad when I'm old if I'll bother to make the effort to have my hair reasonably done and maybe a little bit of make up too. 

I wish I knew how to make a fish brade

Right when my hair grows to be medium length, almost classified long, I love having my hair on a brade. More specifically I love it when people play with my hair and end up making a fish brade since I don't know how to make one. It looks so good and keeps your hair away from your face. And even though you would make it just to keep your hair out of your life for a bit, it still looks classy and stylish. It's a pity I don't know how to make one, in fact I barely know how to make a normal brade, at least one that would look good. One day I'll learn to make a decent fishtail brade.  

I wish I had these London skyline tights

Normally I would go for a simple design in tights that aren't too eye catchy but I found ones I love. They look a bit like stay ups since the top part is skin colored and where the color changes, there are different buildings from London on them. I love them. They are neat and classy and I think I would actually wear them if I had them. I'm not sure what I would wear them with really, but maybe some sort of skirt or a tight mini dress. The tights aren't something I would necessarily pick to wear just like that but I would force myself to wear them and I think I would quite like the outfit. Plus you can wear something quite plain with stockings like these since they are kinda showy. Just add a pretty bag and necklace or something.

 I would order these but apparently they were limited edition by Marks and Spencer's and they would have cost about £10. There are people online trying to get these stockings to come back on sale but no luck so far and I couldn't find them on sale on any other site. I'll just keep hoping I'll find these somewhere someday.

I wish I could write essays faster and not always last minute!

I am the kind of person that will start writing an essay a night before the deadline. Most stupid idea ever, yet I always go for it. Realizing how little time I have to write an essay is my best motivation. This semester at school they announced that there will be no exams. Instead we will have to write four essays, on our Christmas holiday. Super! So far I have written all my essays last minute. 3 down, 1 to go. I just found out that I will be leaving tomorrow away from home and I'll be gone past the due date of this essay meaning it must be done today. Well I have 8 hours to do it and then I have to be out the door so .. yea. Good Luck to me. And yes I have left it to the last minute... again, its 1am at the moment. =D

The sad part is that the information I use in the essays can't be gotten off the Internet either... it has to be taken out of different books. -.- This sucks big time cuz this will be extremely time consuming. I'm hating uni at the moment, and these essays aren't nothing to what I'll have to do in the next years. This shall be interesting... =(

I wish I had the words of wisdom more often.

I realize the more stuff in my own life go wrong, the more bad advice I give to others. The advice I give is what anyone else would and what a person would automatically assume should be done, not what I believe to be right. I feel like if everything isn't okay with me, I easily just don't put my time to help others and instead go with the first thoughts that come to mind. I think this is really selfish of me but I can't help it. A lot of friends have asked for advice on basic stuff during the past few days and I have done so. BUT, afterwards I have had a bad conscious and felt like I haven't given the advice I should have. 

I right now feel like I pretty much shouldn't have much to do with people or just try avoid giving advice till I get stuff in my life sorted basically. So yea, I have being listening to this song a lot in the past few days and feel like this song will be my advice to everything for a while. =D  

I wish I owned a longboard!

Thanks to my boyfriend who has taught me how to long board, I've kinda started liking it. But of course when I want to go long boarding, I can't be bothered to go to my boyfriends place and borrow his long board so yea, I wish I had my own!

I don't wanna go buy one though since I don't really have a permanent home for a few years now until I finish studying and yea, long boards aren't exactly cheap. I also want a long board only if I live in a kinda quiet neighborhood instead of a city (perfect place: Finland). 

So yes, I guess some day I will buy a long board! And when I do, I will stick tonnes of stickers on it and make it look like something that I own. Maybe already during my summers visiting Finland or then in 3 years when I move on with my life to perhaps a more permanent home somewhere.

I wish I had a garden to decorate with giant colored ice marbles :D

I saw a photo of colored ice balls in snow a while back and loved the idea. Especially in Finland where I am from, different colored ice balls in snow would look amazing! They are also really simple to make apparently. Just fill balloons with food coloring and water and let them freeze. Since its so cold here as well, I wouldn't even need to put them in a freezer, I could just put them outside and they would freeze. I think they look beautiful! I think I might actually make those still to make my parents house porch look really pretty :) 

Happy New Years!

I wish I will suceed in saving a bunch of money!

I have never made a new years promise, and this doesn't feel like one really so I'll just say it's a new years decision. I want to save up money. I would LOVE to have little jars where I put coins and every now and then, maybe even a bill. I would label the jars with different notes what say what I would like to spend that money on. If I could get a good bunch of money in a jar, just imagine how awesome it would be when it comes to using it! I wouldn't have to care how much I'm using since I saved it for that purpose. 

Since I live by myself I think its also a good idea since I'm pretty sure at some point during my studies I'll go bankrupt. I think I'll just have to have a few of the jars not see through so I don't actually see the money. Maybe ill put bills into a glass bottle because its quite hard to get them out without breaking the bottle. But yes, next year I am going to save up money! Happy New Years everyone, I'll also try to post more! <3

I wish I'll never have to be separated from a loved one :(

Okay, I'm already separated from my family since I moved to Scotland now but that doesn't bother me much. I guess I'm used to not seeing them sometimes (okay maybe I miss them just a little bit...). But I wish I never never never will have to be separated from my boyfriend. That would be horrible. Just imagine being separated from someone you care about that much for like a year. That would take a lot of commitment, patience and love. 

Sad part is I'm probably gonna have to be separated from mine for at least a year at some point. He will have to do army and unless I go to Finland to wait for him to come visit every now and then, we will have to go long distance for a bit. It will be absolutely horrible. It's gonna be all about skype and mail. I think I would actually sit down and write a letter at that point. I guess its all part of being in a long distance relationship. I'm so not looking forward to it (if it ends up happening). =/

I wish I didn't have to proof to myself that I'm loved so much.

I feel like I push limits in order to find out if I'm accepted and loved. I feel like if I get upset I often harden my heart and push the limit just a bit or say something to see what the other person will do. Not like mean things but just something like not reacting to something that should be reacted to. I feel like maybe I try seek this need to be accepted. I think what would really proof something to me is if I could be really bitchy and do stupid things and just be a not nice person and still I would have someone be with me the entire day and not say one negative thing to me.

Stuff that I hate I also like to see if someone would do them to me. I hate being hung up the phone to. I hate being slammed the door at. I hate being insulted. I hate someone talking negatively about my loved ones. I hate it if someone get too close to something thats very important to me.  I think I often try see if someone close to me would do something to me that they know I hate, or they know I'll get hurt of. And I think I get really offended if someone does something to me that they know will make me unhappy and hurt me. Its the ugly truth I guess... I think I'm a difficult person. 


Whats with that anyway? Why do I have such a huge need to be proven that I'm loved sometimes?

I wish I had the chance to swim while it rains again!

...In a river, or an ocean, or a sea, or a lake, or just anywhere while it rains! I saw a picture of someone swimming in the rain and right at that moment I had a flashback of when I was little and we were swimming when it started to rain. The feeling was AMAZING! I just didn't wanna leave! Anyone who has ever swam in the rain knows exactly what I'm talking about. Especially if the water is kinda warm and the rain is a bit cold. Just amazing. 

If I was in a country where there was warm water and it suddenly started to rain (not just any kinda rain, pouring rain) I would just take my clothes off and just run in! I don't know why I would like it so much but maybe its cuz firstly I haven't swam for ages since the rivers are so cold in Finland and no way I'll swim here in Scotland! Last time I really really enjoyed myself while swimming outdoors was when I still lived in The Gambia. Now if I ever make it to the water, I just wanna get out pretty fast. But yea, and secondly, I just love rain! Most of the time at least, not freezing rain as much :) 

Swimming + Rain = Just the perfect combination <3

I wish people cared more about how others are doing in life

Life is hard. It almost feels like you can't make it in this world alone. Of course there are the moments when life is really easy and you forget how hard life can be but trust me, hard times will come! Anyway thats not my point. You know how we ask people 'How are you?' when we see them. Who wants to hear any answer to it that a basic positive answer such as 'I'm fine' or 'oh, I'm ok and you?'. Since we don't expect to hear anything but a 'I'm fine', that fine could mean a tonne of things. Imagine asking a person you don't know that well, how are they doing and they explained their worries to you. Honestly, how awkward would that be... I guess it would be nice to be there to listen to them but it's just unexpected. 

I thought about this because my cousin asked me 'How are you managing to wake up from your bed in the mornings now a days?' and I thought, that is an amazing way to ask someone indirectly without intruding is everything okay. And since its not just a normal question like how are you, it makes you actually think about it... how am I really? I thought it would be nice to hear someone ask me more often, hey how are you really? So yea, I guess especially with close people I will start asking how they are in a bit different ways than just hey 'how's u?' and show that I care. =)

I wish thoughts didn't have such a huge impact on us

I have started thinking about this more and more and realizing how thoughts can just eat you up from the inside without you realizing a thing. Thoughts are created by what we see, hear, feel etc. Thats why I personally think we should be extremely careful what we expose ourselves to. We all know our own bodies and what affects us, but a lot of things in this world affect us more than we tend to realize. When I was younger I listened to a lot of music and I let it get to me. I only realized years later that I thought about exactly what they said in the songs and they kinda hypnotized me to this state of mind (depending on what the song was about). It had such a huge impact on me and I found myself depressed in my room so often and I didn't know why. The songs made me wanna be sad and made me want to feel more and made me wanna be something else. 

If you don't get what I mean, a typical example that I'm sure you have had would be listening to a happy cheery song. You know that moment when you become really happy just listening to the song and you wanna dance and jump around, well the same effects come from all different genre/types of songs. If a person listens to a lot of depressing songs, they are more likely to end up depressed in my opinion. This is because the thoughts will take over you. I randomly came across a picture of a bible with a scripture (photo below) that pictures exactly what I think perfectly. So I decided to post it. 

Another thing is that when you have a little worry and you think about it a lot, it becomes a big worry. Thoughts take control of a person so easily that I think people should be more careful. Of course we are all different but I think to some extent this goes out to everyone. I decided to make a change and I deleted all my music. I only listen to songs on youtube if i remember a song randomly but I don't spend my days listening all the time and when I get sad I don't dwell on sad music anymore. I have noticed a huge change in the past about half a year. When I hear those songs what had a huge impact on me earlier, I feel this thing inside me that brings back a little bit of that down feeling that it would eventually give me and thats why I know better now. 
                                                                               Just something to think about...

I wish I found it easier to commit to other people

I found this volunteering organization which I got really interested about, but long term just simply commitment scares me. The organization was for a childline where I would basically be on a shift where I answer the phone if any child wants to talk to me about their worries or troubles. But what worries me is that I don't really know if I would be able to know what to say and know what to answer if a difficult topic comes up so its out of my comfort zone even tho I really wanna do it. It sounded really interesting to me but the second I started thinking about it further I just got this feeling like, do I have this kind of commitment in me?

Another organization was called 'befriend a child' where I would basically commit to hang out with a child twice a month, for 2 hours, for a year minimum. The children are mainly from not so good backgrounds and so the goal basically is to make the child smile and have a good time. When I heard about it I just thought right away YES. But now a few days later I'm like, 'For a year? What if the kid doesn't like me? What if its weird and awkward?' and all that. It's really bad to think like that tho because that few hours that I'd spent with the child could make them forget their reality for a bit and they could just have a good time and laugh. It would probably mean the world to them.

My point basically is that I really really would love to have a responsibility like this where I could feel good about what I do and feel like I'm doing something for someone else, but I feel like I don't really have it in me. Personally I think it would do me some good to step out of my comfort zone especially if its for the good of someone else, but how do I make myself do that. I keep telling myself, 'I'll do it!' and then I'm like 'Naaah' the next second. I really need someone to have a good long chat with me and persuade me to get up and go for it! I know I should go for it, but long story short 'easier said than done'. I really wish I get myself to commit to this in the next months! 

I wish I NEVER have to talk anyone out of suicide again.

I have mentioned in this blog about loving helping people out and I even put a photo up that said 'talking someone out of suicide.' Lets just say that that 'sorta wish' came true, unfortunately. It was NOT fun. I felt such responsibility and I felt like if that person took their own life, it was my fault. I would have done anything to get out of that situation. I didn't know to do honestly. I just talked and listened and talked and gave advice and told what not to do etc. I kept thinking, should I be calling an ambulance? Should I call their friends? Should I call the police? It was so... distressing. 

I talked with the person for hours at night online even tho I had to wake up really early for work. Every now and then it felt like the person just wanted attention and was making a too big deal about everything, and then it felt like they were fo real again. The next day was absolutely horrible. I didn't know if the person was alive and I felt so so so so so bad. I was in my own world constantly thinking about it and I was extremely stressed out. Words cannot express how I felt. Seriously, NEVER again. 

I found out after a few days that the person was alright but in the hospital and I was sooooo thankful. Seriously thank God for everything being okay. Of course if I get into a situation like this one again, I will stay and help out and listen and try talk the person out of suicide, I mean how couldn't I? But if I could pick then I preferably wouldn't. 

I wish I more often witnessed people get over the dark sides/challenges of life

When you know someone and you see that their going through a rough patch in life, you're involved automatically. I have a friend who has been going through a tough time for quite a while and I've thought about her so much. At least for me its a bit self-evident that I try be as a support and try lift people up once they fall. Now here comes the point: Oh the joy when you see or hear that someone you've watched be in this dark place for ages is finally coming to the light again. It feels like there was a battle that has now been won! 

In a way its a victory for me as well because in some situations I feel like I am mentally with the person a lot, and I try fight through those battles with the person. It sure is an amazing feeling when you realize they are free or almost there! After that, all you have to do is make sure they stay up and when you fall, then perhaps someone can help you up. We can't really make it in this world alone can we?

I wish that I will grow old with that one person I choose to marry some day.

I'm used to people getting married and living together till they die. That's why the say 'till death do us part' right. In this modern world we live in tho there are lots of break-up's and divorce's being filed. That's because divorce is made an option. In my life I will not make divorce an option (lets hope my husband wont make it an option either). I have seen difficult marriages and I have come to the conclusion that when I get married, I will at least say my vows and mean them:


For better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.


I know that practically everyone say they mean their vows and how they will be together forever, etc. but seriously, no matter how huge the problem is, then why not have a sit down and fix it. One thing that's always important to remember is that no matter how hard it is, NEVER go to sleep without fixing your issues first. That's how I've lived my life so far, at least most of the time, and I plan to keep it that way. I've not being brought up with divorce being an option and I've seen that marriages WILL be hard, but that's how you learn about each other right? And that is the point.

Old couples are rare to see together now a days, especially the ones from which you can tell that they really love each other. Those are the ones that walk hand in hand, look at each other with loving eyes, help out each other and just be together. I just love seeing that and I really really really hope that I will be in that position myself one day. 

I wish I'll have guts to go skinny dipping one day!!

Yes this sounds a bit odd but I'd wanna do that. It would take so much guts but... why not. Especially if other people (close people) are like yea lets do it, I think I'd maybe consider it. So it I was at a beach with basically no one there and I was far from the place I live in, It would be way easier for me to actually do that, I'd just maybe go for it. I'd have to be in a stupid mood tho but still. :) The photo below was just hilarious so I had to put it here.

This sounds really stupid so I hope no family members ever find out about this blog and judge me for it. hahaa!