Dreams Come True

I was sitting thinking about this blog and then thought to myself; why am I just writing about wishes? What about when I actually do something about those wishes and make them come true? Surely I need to inform you guys so you don't think I just sit around dreaming my life away! Well here goes. I have always loved circus, gymnastics and dancing kinda thing as you maybe can tell from my blog. I have done pole dancing (the fitness type! :D ) before as a teenager and absolutely loved it. Every year after that, which is now like 5 years, I have thought 'oh I'll go to the gym for a while to gain strength and then go'. Well I am pleased to say that I have finally started both aerial hoop and pole dancing!!! I absolutely love both and don't understand why I haven't started earlier. This fulfills my wishes of circus-y stuff, dancing and flexibility which I have written about before. 

I was a bit nervous going thinking I will be rubbish at it and so on, but I went in and could do the moves and if I couldn't the instructor would help me. Everyone needs to start somewhere. I got a lovely confidence boost as well when the instructor was pleased with me when I could do a move no one else could do in the beginners class even though it was my first time! I was just thinking yay me for training my core at the gym! (a few times haha) SO what have we learned? Always act upon your dreams!!! Otherwise you'll end up regretting it. And better late than never!!! I've never posted pictures of myself but I will post one now as I feel it needs to be posted as evidence for this!

Looking back...

When I started this blog I hoped it would help me see how I have changed throughout the years and it has done that for me. I have often come here to put my feelings down. To be honest with you, I often forget about this blog until I am upset as this is where I used to come when I was the most upset. When I read back on this blog I realized how much I have been through in the past years and how my feelings have reflected from what I have written. To go with the theme of sadness I wanted to post the song Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men that speaks about depression. I absolutely love the song and can relate to it very well. There is something beautiful about the song though and I am happy that a song like that has been written especially due to the stigma of mental health. 

"Little Talks"

Hey! Hey! Hey!

I don't like walking around this old and empty house

So hold my hand, I'll walk with you my dear

The stairs creak as I sleep,

It's keeping me awake

It's the house telling you to close your eyes

And some days I can't even trust myself

It's killing me to see you this way

'Cause though the truth may vary

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Hey! Hey! Hey!

There's an old voice in my head

That's holding me back

Well tell her that I miss our little talks

Soon it will all be over, and buried with our past

We used to play outside when we were young

And full of life and full of love

Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right.

Your mind is playing tricks on you my dear

'Cause though the truth may vary

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Hey!

Don't listen to a word I say

Hey!

The screams all sound the same

Hey!

Though the truth may vary

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

You're gone, gone, gone away,

I watched you disappear

All that's left is a ghost of you

Now we're torn, torn, torn apart,

there's nothing we can do,

Just let me go, we'll meet again soon

Now wait, wait, wait for me, please hang around

I'll see you when I fall asleep

Hey!

Don't listen to a word I say

Hey!

The screams all sound the same

Hey!

Though the truth may vary

this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Hey!

Don't listen to a word I say

Hey!

The screams all sound the same

Hey!

Though the truth may vary

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Though the truth may vary

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

Though the truth may vary

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

I wish I didn't feel so empty

Lately I've felt really empty. I'm pretty sure I know the reasons why but I can't do anything about it. I need to just wait and time will make it all better I guess. I just want to tell future me to be thankful for happiness and not take it for granted as I trust I won't be this way in some years time. I have so much things to do right now with university and everything but I just feel so empty that I'm not doing them and time is running out. I really need to just push through this and it will all be better soon. I just hate feeling this way and there are days I feel like it will all be better but then again I have days that I just feel like giving up. I'm sure there's so many of you out there who feel just like me and its hard to stay positive but better days are yet to come. =)

I wish I start writing this blog again

I realize I haven't posted in almost a year and that's simply because I have had a shitty last year pretty much and no motivation what so ever for anything. Lots of it was good honestly but lots has been absolutely shit. I would almost say I'm a complete different person now. I've experienced lots of loss in the past year and there are days where I'm upset and there are days that I'm happy. Yesterday I was just tiered of life and everything, today I feel like I will be happy! No two days are the same. I realize this blog has become me wishing things about me to be different a lot rather than things I want to do or try but that could be because I am fascinated by psychology so I keep analyzing myself and over thinking everything and seeing what could be different. I shouldn't keep thinking what I want to change in myself tho. That's a bit silly isn't it. I've thought a lot about this blog lately and thought I'd write a wee post to show I'm still here and will definitely make effort to start writing again!

I Wish I Liked My Singing Voice More

I wish I could sing better than I do because I simply love music and playing the piano and all that. I wish I was confident and had a nice enough voice that I wouldn't be shy when playing the piano with my little skills and singing along. I try sing a bit louder every time and even sing on parts where the notes go too high or too low to practice my voice more. People have said I have a good voice sometimes but in all honesty I think its a pretty normal voice, nothing special really. 

I think singing lessons would be fun tho. I feel like my voice isn't strong enough or some muscles there aren't strong enough because when I go to out of my comfort zone high notes, my voice kinda starts wobbling a bit or breaking or something and isn't strong there. Hard to explain but maybe you know what I mean. Maybe singing lessons would increase my confidence and get me a little bit of a better voice. Unfortunately I'm not gonna afford, or put my money into singing lessons ever so I'm just gonna have to sing by myself in the shower or something and practice that way!

Another great thing about singing - it's good therapy if you're feeling upset or something. I remember when I was going through some hard moments and I went to my piano and played a Christian song called 'A day, and a moment at a time' (Its in Finnish) and sang along quite loud - and it made me feel so much better. I felt like when I sang the words of the song which were perfect for the situation I was in, it kind of told me everything will be okay and I shouldn't worry. I've had quite a few moments like this and if something similar has happened to you, you will know what I'm talking about. So yea, I wish I liked my voice more and could sing better perhaps.

I wish I had more patience when it comes to my hair.

I have very easy hair - It's straight and brunette. I never do anything to it except brush it in the mornings. Now here comes the part that I wish I did something to it! I have learned how to make a fishtail braid (I wrote a post about wishing I'd know how to make one) and actually took my time to make a side fishtail braid today and my hair looks sooo nice! I automatically like my appearance more when I bother do something to my hair so I have decided to start doing something to it! I have ordered extensions from Luxy hair - amazing ones, had them before!, and thought I could go get some hair accessories so I can do something with it when I have it on soon! 

So yeah, I went shopping to Primark and got a black plastic bow which is so not me but thought I'd give it a shot (in the photo below). I also got a small hair clip with a butterfly on it, much like the one in the photo but mine is just a butterfly with diamonds on it. When I have my extensions on I like to clip a tiny bunch of hair at the back and leave the rest of my hair open. So I'm very happy with that buy! Then the last thing I got was a metallic black hair cuff thing. The one in the photo I own already in Gold and Metal and love them! They are so easy to use and make you look like you've actually made an effort with your hair! But the one I got now is elastic all around and has little metal triangles or something. Hard to explain but it is quite classy. All this I got for about 4 pounds or something! 

So yes, I will try my very best to actually start doing something with my hair from now on so I'd look better and feel better about myself. Super excited to get my extensions as well!!! 

I wish that one day I'll be an au pair!!

Totally out of my comfort zone but I wanna do it! Right now I have an application in aupair-world.net and am getting tonnes of messages. I found a perfect family but think they already have an au pair so that kinda sucked but otherwise I'm still waiting for the perfect family to come by! I wanna go to Spain preferably for just like 2 months. I could be earning some money while enjoying myself and taking care of kids, which will definitely benefit me with my future career. I'm so looking forward to this!

Also, when you leave to go somewhere far from home into a new environment and live with as little technology as possible and just be with yourself and the kids; you learn a lot about yourself! So I think it would be really cool to just be and become more aware of me. I'm so exited and am looking forward to this. Who knows might not find a perfect family or might get my ticket to Spain already in 3 weeks! Fingers crossed!

I wish I wasn't always cold

I am always cold and I love having my room super warm. Everyone who comes to visit me always complains about this. I don't really care about that, but I hate that when I go out I always have to take a jacket or I will freeze to death (except if its summer of course). Then when I get to where ever I'm going, I get annoyed at having to carry a jacket around all the time. Agh. And of course most of the girls who I go out with don't wear a jacket so it's even more annoying to carry the jacket around seeing others don't. First world problems.... =D 

I wish I become good at photography

I love taking photographs. Even more I love photography. On top of all this I love playing around on photoshop. I would never take photos and get paid for it, but I'd do it for fun! I've always wanted a good camera. I have had 2 cameras but both have taken somehow crappy photos. Especially the one I have now I really need to play around with to get a decent photo. Lucky me though, I went on ebay and found a good Nikon camera for really cheap when comparing to its real price, so here I am waiting for my camera to arrive! When it arrives I will grab a flatmate to be my model and go take some photos! Well after I learn how to work it of course! Oh I'm so so excited!

I wish I had matching heels and clutches!!

One thing I love in fashion and think is attractive and classy is when someone has matching heels and a clutch. I saw a girl once who wore quite plain clothes (jeans and just a random top) and was wearing red heels and a red clutch. I couldn't stop staring. She looked so pretty. This happened years ago and I still remember it and loved the look. When I go shopping and I see a bag that says 'matching heels available' I go storming about the shop looking for them. I still haven't found a decent set though. I saw one set but it wasn't my style really. But still that match would look so good on someone who could pull it off. 

How nice would it be to walk about town shopping in plain everyday clothes and then make it classy with the matching heels and clutch?? Oh I wish they made more products like this! It was hard enough finding just those photos!! If I had a magic wand I would just get the pink and black set (middle photo) right there in front of me and walk like I own the streets!